So what did I want?

It is a peculiar sensation, this double-consciousness, this sense of always looking at one's self through the eyes of others ... -W.E.B. Du Bois

During my time at Booth, in person and on this blog, I talked about the need for more resources and support for female student parents which sounds more burdensome than warranted. Really what I wanted and what I think many women in business want is normalization, which is simultaneously very simple and very challenging.

I unfortunately got off to a very bad start with the school because of my need to accommodate my newborn during LOE and as a result my first 48 hours at the school left me feeling unwanted, distrustful and not at all "normal". I did receive an apology but my sense of abnormality mounted as the school year progressed and the distaste for the childed among some classmates and staff became more apparent. (Consider my interview for a leadership position with CWiB in which I was asked whether I could handle the role given the fact that I had a child … oh, the irony.) Some students were lovely, others were oddly clueless (consider the first-year who asked me how long pregnancy lasted - 6 months, he ventured. I wish! I laughed. Then he went on to tell me about his 11 month old son … errr …) and some were downright mean. The worst came during my second year when I was pregnant. The incessant, often scathing comments about my girth were exhausting. On the one hand, it would have been strange to have no one comment on the fact that I was pregnant, on the other hand, that my entire existence revolved around my uterus was depressing. I just wanted to blend in.

Toward the end of my second year it occurred to me that this matter was not just about my experience as a student but also the experience of the future colleagues and employees of my more clueless or mean classmates. Why should a significant portion of the world's "future leaders" be so ignorant/disdainful of one of life's most fundamental experiences? And furthermore, as an employer itself, why wasn't Booth modelling better human resource practices? (That the school did not think to include a lactation room or provide childcare resources is understandable given the low number of female students with children but then I realized there were plenty of employees with children!)

It is a man's world. I say this without ill will - it has historically made sense to be so. But making it a human being's world requires more than just adding women to the mix and expecting men and childless women to understand the practical reality of birthing and bearing babies.

As I've said before, the only important difference between men and women is babies. All the other alleged differences are trivial. The baby factor affects all women, even if they never have children, as it weeds women out of the public realm. Accommodating women and their wayward uteruses (uteri?) is not about entering a new touchy feely world or lowering the bar, it's about finding clever ways to overcome the inescapable physical burden of motherhood. My pet theory is that women are more risk adverse than men because to possess a uterus is to live in a world of tremendous uncertainty. You have no idea when or if you will become pregnant, how the pregnancy will fare or how long it will last. You have no idea when labor will strike and how it will progress. Will breastfeeding come easily or become a nightmare? How will post-partum recovery evolve? How will your newborn take to the world? And god forbid you become pregnant unintentionally. Taking big career or financial risks is far more dangerous with these realities looming over your head.

I happened to run into a woman who had graduated from law school at BYU (yes, Mormons) and was in Chicago while her husband finished law school at the UoC. Consider these radical measures that BYU took to accommodate their female students. Women could bring a sleeping baby to class. They could request in advance videotapes of any class that would be missed or an audiotape of a class after the fact. If needed, they could come to campus and watch class live in a special family room while nursing or playing with their baby. These family rooms were study rooms with priority given to students (male or female) with children. Let's say you were in class with a sleeping baby which suddenly woke? Just leave class and head to the nearest family room and watch the class on t.v. Compare those attitudes to the experience of a female Booth student who received a lot of snide comments after her baby cried in the Winter Garden.

So what can/should business schools do?

1. Drop the excuses - telling female students that you've never had to deal with the child thing before insulting and irrelevant. Well, now you are.
   
2. Get real feedback. Don't just listen to the women who tell you everything is going great and groovy. Find the women who are pissed.
3. Be radical! Be creative. Tell recruiters who give a pregnant student a hard time to go to hell. (Not, oh that's none of our business.) Tell staff who trivialize a new mom's needs to shape up or ship out. Tell women's groups who over politicize motherhood that they're no longer needed. Let women hear from all the women out there doing baby + work. Reassure women that their physical needs come before recruiters' needs or professors' needs or classmates needs'. Set up a proper mother's room already. Include families!! Help figure out childcare. Provide recordings of missed classes. Etcetera! (Do some brainstorming already.)
   
4. And don't trivialize this - it's not a Mommy MBA already.
5. Women have babies - it's normal. Now act like it is.

What everyone should know about breastfeeding

Try the following experiment:

1. Set an alarm clock to ring every 2-4 hours around the clock.
2. If you are at home when your alarm clock rings, stop what you are doing and a sit down for 15-30 minutes, pretending to have a small human being attached to your bosom.
3. If you are not at home, find somewhere private where you can sit down for 15-30 minutes, pretending to have a whirring plastic contraption attached to your bosom (which you keep with you at all times outside of the house.)
4. Repeat for about a year or so …

Hanna Rosin's The Case Against Breastfeeding in last April's Atlantic raised a lot of hackles. I read it and cried.

As I've alluded to in prior posts, the biggest shock for me about motherhood was how much I HATED breastfeeding … and, most of all, pumping. And how long I stuck with it anyway. Formula seems like a paltry substitute (physically and emotionally) for the real thing, but I wish that someone had given me the heads up that if you are planning to leave the house before your child's first birthday - breastfeeding is an incredible pain in the ass. It just is. Rosin's article captured my mixed feelings perfectly.

So if you are ever planning to bear babies, work with someone who bears babies or marry someone who bears babies, here is what you should know:

• Lactation consultants (yes, I too snickered at first), use them soon and use them often!
  
• Mothers are not milk on tap. This means, sans baby, often milk will not come out when you want it to and milk will come out when you don't want it to.
  
• Milk supply may plummet unexpectedly.
  
• Lactating breasts do not sleep.
• God forbid you leave the house and forget your breast pump. Do. Not. Let. This. Happen. … Ever.
• Breastpads! Keep 'em handy but Kleenex can work in a pinch.
• Milk is perishable and bulky. Your pump is bulky and may require electricity. Logistics matter!
• (As someone who spent virtually all her pumping life standing around in bathroom stalls) "Mother's Rooms" are not a luxury, they are the humane way to treat employees!
• Working and breastfeeding is easiest done by the organized and informed. You are now informed.

Why I Like Hyde Park

(My average posts per week seems to be positively correlated with my stress levels, strangely. Also, I'm feeling very lazy about linking these days. You'll have to Google it all yourself. Sorry.)

I know Hyde Park isn't a popular destination for my classmates, but I am very glad that I made my home down here these two years. Aside from the incomparable convenience, it's actually a nice place to live, despite all the scare stories you might hear. True, I am very careful about where I walk after dark, and avoid it if at all possible. And I did have my car broken into in broad daylight. But I am realizing much to my suprise that I'm going to miss the neighborhood! (Err, my husband, however, will not.) For the single, childless types it leaves a lot to be desired, but I highly recommend the place to incoming students with children. There is a great student parent community here which means your kids will get to hang out with the kids of super smart interesting people from all over the world. (If you're into that sort of thing, smart, interesting people, that is ;)

Food options have been slowly getting better. I will absolutely miss Hyde Park Produce and there is a Treasure Island if you're so inclined. Istria Cafe competes head to head with Stumptown. (Would avoid Third World though unfortunately.) Ragun Cajun has oddly decent Indian food. Calypso Cafe is definitely worth a try. (Dixie Kitchen RIP.) Chant is very passable as an enjoyable night out. And I very much like the Alice in Wonderland feel of Park 52. I've rediscovered Noodles Etc and Medici, of course, provides a solid meal and some good Hyde Park history. Giordano's is getting a remodel but that would be my favorite local pizza joint. Not as big a fan of Pizza Capri and Edwardo's Natural Pizza. We have a Home Made Pizza and the reliable Potbellies. I'm a huge fan of the lunch special at Cedars. And you can get some seriously fantastic bagels at Z&H. And don't forget the really great deli sandwiches in the back at University Market.

All the old trees and parks and buildings are lovely. The houses get especially fancy schmancy north of Hyde Park Boulevard around Woodlawn. (Obama's neck of the woods.)

But Elizabeth Fama (yes, of that Fama), who co-authors this Hyde Park Progress blog, can give you an even more expert opinion.

What I Would Have Done Differently

Blogging on here feels so odd now that I am definitely no longer "Maybe"MBA. But it's taking me longer than expected to wrap up my last MBA thoughts. Life!

I've pondered this post for some time as my answer changes day to day. For some time this spring I felt that I should have applied to more programs, especially some on the west coast. However, now that I find myself gravitating back toward my original career plan, that seems less important. At moments I have felt that I should never applied to an MBA program at all! But those moments are quite rare these days. So, with that, what would I have done differently for an MBA at Booth?

Academics:

• Taken only 1 finance and 1 accounting class. I foolishly ended up with a concentration in finance and accounting, for various reasons including course availability. Given my background, this was not a particularly good way to spend my money. I would have taken Weiss's Taxes course and Pastor's Portfolio Management course and maybe Rajan's Int'l Corp Fin class and skipped all the others (30116, 30117, 30130, 35100, 35200). (Although I would have considered 30117 with Sapra.)
• Steered clear of Commercializing Innovation and taken PE Finance with Kaplan or Morse.
• Taken basic Stats or Regression instead of Time Series. Back when I was young and foolish and took "challenge everything" seriously I thought it would be silly to repeat what I already knew. I should have just gone for the easy A.
• Econ requirement. For those of you with good Econ backgrounds there really is no good solution to the Micro requirement. I went with 33501 as a substitute which was definitely an easy A but left me feeling a little hollow.
  
• Taken Negotiations and maybe Eply's Managerial class (forgot official name and too lazy to look it up, one of those 38001 courses or something) and more "soft" courses.
• Taken Competitive Strategy with Bertrand.

Career:

Job-wise, at one point I thought I perhaps should have skipped the IM internship altogether but I'm currently very glad that I didn't. (See, too fickle am I.) And it has crossed my mind that I wish I had just recruited for a corporate finance job last fall but I think I would be quite depressed at this point had I made that compromise. I do wish that I had been a little more mentally and intellectually prepared for recruiting in my first year. With the pregnancy and the career detour while I figured out my life and applied to bschool pre-MBA, I was pretty scattered and unprepared for internship recruiting. I am damn lucky I got a position. And then with the second pregnancy etc I wasn't in much better shape for full-time. I do wish I had never bothered to pitch a stock just for the sake of having one to pitch and that I had not been pregnant in my second year.*

Personal:

It would have been much better for my husband if he had stayed in Seattle and I had relocated with Baby Y but that would have been hell on all of us, so I'm not sure whether I would have done that differently. I would not have changed being pretty selective about my socializing and putting my family first but I do occasionally wish I had had more freedom on that front while I was here.

So for what it's worth, that's that.

*Only because I didn't have a job offer, otherwise, it would have been perfect. In fact I really wish I had applied to bschool a couple years earlier than I did and had my first baby in my 2nd year with a job offer in hand. Not that you can really plan these things, of course!

Full-time vs. Part-time MBA

Here's an easy MBA post in response to a question I got from a reader last week, written mainly from the Booth perspective.

If I had lived in or near to a city with a top program I probably would have done a part-time program. I also considered executive programs. But it definitely is a very different experience from a full-time program and I have to say I am glad that I went full-time.

At Booth, there is no academic difference between the part-time and full-time programs. It's the exact same faculty and you can take class at either campus (with some restrictions). Both programs also have a considerable amount of flexibility in how quickly or slowly they complete their studies. Both programs participate in the same graduation ceremony and get to participate in on campus recruiting. (Ask career services for the fine print on part-time participation though.) (I think they have a different admissions team?? Anyone know this for sure?)

The big difference comes in the way of the student experience. There is definitely a different feel in the Gleacher classes. Virtually all part-time students are working jobs which gives them much less time to devote to study groups and social events. (The guy who hired me for my internship came out of the part-time program and called us full-timers a bunch of slackers ... and he's right :) They are real adults with, you know, jobs and families. The part-time program has a separate set of student groups. (Some cross-registration is allowed but mostly the two programs stick to themselves on this one.) And to the extent that networking and social stuff is a huge piece of the MBA value - then it seems like they miss out. One only has so many hours in the day.

In sum, if you want the full student experience and aren't up for the work/school/life grind, I would do the full-time program. If your employer will foot the bill for a part-time program only/you can't bear to part with your paycheck/you are worried you might graduate unemployed in the worst recession in recent history/you just want the degree and some classes, then I would do the part-time program. But, at least at Booth, the line between the programs is a bit blurry, so keep that in mind.

That's my two cents.

Hot damn, it's hot around these parts. Chicago was not meant to be lived in sans A/C. By the way, just discovered the best bagels ever ... in Hyde Park! Wish I could take them with.

Parenting and the MBA - Day to Day

This is a bit of a repeat but it's been awhile since I did a baby post.

As I've mentioned before, I'm not big on schedules and I've found that the inherently changing and unpredictable nature of my first 4 quarters at school have made it nearly impossible to stick to a schedule anyway. But this quarter, since I'm just focusing on academics and entrepreneurship (no recruiting), it's much easier to try to have a schedule. And with 5 classes, maintaining tight control over my time is paramount.

So how is this working these days?

Childcare

As some of you might know my mom takes care of Baby Y. Until this quarter she worked M-F from 9-6 but since Y has to leave the house at 8a for work now and I have three 8:30a classes this term, she's now starting at 8a. And, because she feels sorry for me, has been sticking around until 6p anyway. (We pay her a flat monthly amount, not hourly. And some days/weeks she works much less than this, depending on what is going on.) But though I really try to get all school things related done during those hours - that doesn't happen at all ... ever.

Classes

As you may know, virtually all classes occur in 3 hour blocks which is a huge benefit to scheduling life. So 5 classes = 15 hours/week in class. I specifically only take classes at Harper which make the logistics much easier. (Though makes getting into classes much harder.)

Getting to and from campus

Normally I bike to and from campus which takes about 5 minutes. However, with my expanding belly and the current snow/ice situation, have been taking the bus. There are several CTA routes (#172 is the one I take) which circle around Hyde Park and are free to students. The problem is that, especially in cold weather, the bus is often overcrowded and doesn't stop. So instead of 5 minutes, it's been taking me 45-60 minutes to get to and from campus which is unfortunate. If all goes well, it takes about 15 minutes. I'm considering walking so that I can get more exercise and get to class on time.

Opportunity cost of time

Having a baby makes you aware of the opportunity cost of your time like nothing else. As the quarters have progressed and the overwhelming onslaught of information and events wore off, I have become more and more stingy with my time. I don't do any evening events. I only do lunch events that I feel very excited about. I have no time to socialize with anyone who I am not absolutely delighted to see. Every moment I'm away from Baby Y has to be worth the cost of childcare as well as the less tangible cost of being away from my little one. Seems to be working out fine. I have plenty of friends. Have done fine in my classes. Have small leadership positions. Attend great conferences and LnLs. Do not feel obliged to do anything you don't want to do! (when in MBA land)

Homework

I am mastering the art of minimizing group work. Luckily, Booth lets you pick groups and some classes are much lighter than others on group work. As much as possible, I try to work with people who I know and trust not to let me down and we try to meet as little as possible. At this point in the MBA, many of us try to just work over email on homework. I am still working on trying to fit homework into to barest amount of time necessary. This is very hard to do but definitely worth aspiring towards. The marginal benefit of another hour on xyz project is usually quite low. Sit down. Get it done. Move on. That's my philosophy.

This quarter I have designated days by which each day's homework needs to be done and do everything in my power to be done with assignments well in advance. I am also trying to carve out one full day to devote to entrepreneurship. In general though, getting assignments done in advance is a huge help if you have a little one. I can't count on having time at the last minute to push something through since Baby Y could get sick or have a rough night just when I'm counting on having my time to myself.

Leadership stuff - non-academic opportunities

I have one small co-chair position that takes maybe 3 hours per month on average. Co-chairs are appointed in mid-winter quarter, so technically I'll be turning over the reins on that soon but given the way this group operates, my responsibilities will carry over into spring somewhat. I am also starting a student group which will take an indeterminate amount of time. And I am involved with miscellaneous, ad hoc, non-academic things now and then. I have eschewed most of the other opportunities (LEAD facil, case competitions, career advising, treks, lab classes) because I did not find them compelling. If I was bent on doing those things, I would have found a way to make it work. If you have your support systems in place, a little one should not stop you from taking advantage of these opportunities. But my feeling is that it is better to do fewer things well than more things poorly. So pick your battles. You can be selective and have a great experience. (Probably a better one.)

Shopping/Food/Laundry etc.

We do a monthly run to Trader Joe's (nearest one is downtown) and otherwise get most of our needs met at Hyde Park Produce which is a couple of blocks from us, on my way home from school. (I have tried Peapod but it just didn't work for us.) My mom picks up some items now and then as needed. I do all the meal preparation and Y does the post-dinner clean up. We used to do more eating out/take out - before money got uber tight. Now it's all about pinching the pennies. My mom, luckily, takes care of all of Baby Y's laundry as well as light housecleaning. If you can swing it financially, getting some outside help in this area is invaluable. Y and I split the rest 50/50. I deal with all things financial and make sure the bills get paid, find doctors for Baby Y, etc. I'm too much of a control freak to try to split this with Y.

The overarching schedule

Most days, Baby Y wakes at 7a, naps from 1-3p and goes to bed at 8p (bedtime starts at 7:30p). I rarely wake before 7a if I can help it. Baby Y generally has no problem sleeping through the night unless he's under the weather. Y and I trade off who has morning responsibility, but most days it's me with him taking more responsibility for bedtime. (due to our schedule differences) I wasn't able to swing this in previous quarters but now I very strictly put all homework etc on hold from 6-8p when I hang out with Baby Y and make dinner. I try to be home by 5 or 6p each day and Y gets home around 7p usually. (When he was working from home, this was often reversed.) Once Baby Y is in bed I typically get back to the books and work until 10p to midnight, depending on needs.

As much as possible from sunset Friday evening through Saturday I try to do absolutely no work and do not turn on the computer. It's my day to enjoy Baby Y and Y without thinking about my enormous to do list. But, especially given the reading load this quarter, I do like to do some of my more enjoyable reading on Saturday just to keep up. Saturday Y and I have tried to have be date night - but that happens quite rarely for various reasons. Sunday is back to homework and chores. Y and I try to each give each other a chunk of work time on Sunday where one of us is responsible for Baby Y and the other can focus uninterrupted. Sunday night we go to my mom's for dinner so I get one night off from cooking.

We also potty trained Baby Y at the end of fall quarter which required a little extra parenting at the time but makes life much easier. I hope to do the same even earlier with #2.

Exercise, time with Y, recreation, keeping up with non-GSB friends

Ha. Are you kidding? Not nearly enough of any of these things in my life! Unfortunately.

I love my vacation

What a wonderful 3 weeks. I am relaxed like never before. If only I had 3 more weeks. I was thinking back on this break last year which was a miserable cover letter, interview prep, stock pitch research experience. Ugh. Not the least bit relaxing. I was so overwhelmed and stressed and then it only got worse ... for the rest of the year (farewell 2008!).

I've said this to a couple of first year GSBers already but just for the record, it doesn't pay to worry yourself too much over the internship thing in my opinion. If only I had known:

1. It's not going to make or break your career (yes, if you don't get the inbanking gig with Goldman, odds are it may be your last chance with them. but if they don't want you - who gives a shit? you've got better things to do with your life)
2. Ultimately, you're going to find what is right for you. Just because you think XYZ employer or XYZ job will fulfill your life dreams does not mean (a) that you're right or (b) that, even if you are right, that there aren't other just as great options out there
3. There is a high probability that you're going to have to/want to go through recruiting all over again in your second year - so pace yourself
4. For you IMers - getting an IM job is the most amazingly painful, arbitrary process ever (and you thought getting into a top MBA was hard ...) so just take it for what it is and make the best of it

And, if you do find yourself in your second year of the MBA sans job in the midst of a recession, I recommend you stash all job thoughts for 3 weeks and enjoy yourself for a little while.

Somehow this fall, inspired partly by our need to be extra frugal, I have re-discovered my love of cooking after a 2+ year hiatus. Between the temporary studio apartment pre-MBA, the newborn, the cross-country move, the job search, the career-identity crisis, the temporary summer housing, general grumpiness ... my cooking brain went into deep freeze. For a couple of months now, I have been cooking almost every night and it's been a great change of pace for me. And with the whole world shut down for Xmas and New Year's the past 9 days has brought roast veg lasagna, piles of latkes, gallons of applesauce, rugalach, Mexican wedding cakes (the little cookies), pfeffernusse, candied orange peel, caramel popcorn, banana muffins, pumpkin muffins, spiced cider, fresh lemonade (I love lemonade and can't believe I haven't been making it fresh before*) and pina colada sorbet. Among other things. A good college friend who also shares the cooking love was here all week with her boyfriend. Monday was my old favorite quick dinner standby of fish tacos**. Tuesday brought the always delightful Vietnames beef noodles (which I like to do with tofu when I'm not in the mood for cow). We enjoyed an Indian feast on New Year's eve and welcomed in 2009 with a New Year's day feast of Russian fare. Nothing like a week with folk who understand the pleasures of the kitchen to top off the break. My New Year's resolution is to buy only whole spices and roast and grind all of my own spices from now on. And I bought a little window box and am going to try to grow some herbs indoors. We'll see how that goes.

So good bye 2008. I can only hope 2009 is an improvement. I hope everyone is feeling happy and relaxed as well.

*Juice two lemons into a quart of water, add sugar to taste. Beats store bought any day.

**I use pre-breaded, store bought fish fillets (the good kind ala Trader Joe's/Whole Foods), corn tortillas (wheat tortillas = yuck), refried beans, thin sliced cabbage (either fresh or you can salt and let stand for 15 minutes + a little pickle juice for extra flavor), white sauce (just mayo + fresh lime juice) and whatever condiments are on hand such as fresh tomatoes, salsas (mango is great), Cholula, avocado, cheese. Just warm and assemble.

Dear R1 Applicant ...

Hey, big congrats to all admitted in round 1 - at the GSB or elsewhere. Good job! Now the real work begins ;) ... so do a lot of relaxing between now and next August.

But to those of you with a painful ding - my heart is with you. I know all about the frustration and disappointment of rejection. Unfortunately, this application process is subjective and, at times, arbitrary. There is not always a bright line between the successful and unsuccessful bschool applicant and this ding will not make or break your career. You are certainly not the first bright, ambitious, totally bschool worthy applicant to be culled in the final cut. So don't despair!! It's not worth it. Either you'll find another great school, get into the GSB another time, or go on and do fantastic things sans MBA. You're going to do great things one way or another. So relax, reassess and don't be too hard on yourself.

Academics at the GSB - the good, the bad and the ugly

[Original post removed - summary: the flexible curriculum has its challenges. If you have an Econ background, know your stats and/or have the CFA you likely will end up repeating some stuff. There are plenty of not so great profs and it can be hard to get the good profs and/or popular classes.]

And let recruiting season begin (or, the economy is in the crapper and you just spent $100k on a fancy MBA, now what?)

So last night was the first round of invitation interviews. As mentioned previously, pickings are slim, firms continue to cancel interviews and I am allowing myself to be picky. In sum - on campus recruiting is virtually done for me before it even started.

There are 4 firms coming to campus that I am applying to and as of last night, two (massive, well-known, long-only types) have decided not to invite me to interview. As both close listed me last year this can only mean that they were put off by my summer hedge fund dalliance, my interviews last winter were worse than I thought (laugh) or that my fellow 2nd years are very new and improved after a summer.

But rather than being disappointed I felt a tremendous sense of relief. I have all the points in the world to bid on these firms but I don't really want to. I don't have a good long stock pitch. I don't find the idea of working at a massive, well-known, long-only fund all that appealing and I didn't really enjoy my interviews with them last year. I applied because I felt that I should be doing something.

I find it continually surprising how frequently I find myself ignoring my intuition in this MBA experience. Applying for firms I don't want to work for, trying to attend the wrong social events, taking too many finance and accounting courses which aren't really broadening my knowledge base.

Does it matter if I find a job right now? No. It would be nice to be done with the process but I didn't come to the GSB to find a job. I came the GSB to transform my career and life trajectory. And I'm not going to do that by trudging down everyone else's well worn path. I have until next summer to find a position and I'm sure I will. And I much prefer doing things my own way anyway. On campus recruiting gives me hives.

It strikes me that despite all the corporate blather about "out of the box" thinking that few understand the reality of living beyond the well worn path. True contrariness (much talked about in investment land) is somewhat uncomfortable and lonely and at times a really bad idea. And while I think I'm still trying to figure out where this so-called box is (i.e. I do consider myself somewhat of a contrarian), separating out which career choices/decisions are reasonable and which are foolish is much easier said than done.

But I also came into the quarter feeling that it would turn out as it was meant to be. Meaning, the job search process, especially in IM, is like an intricate mating ritual and individuals who find successful long-term relationships seem to be those with the patience to take their time and wait for the right partner rather than jumping into the arms of the first willing suitor who comes along. Despite all the upheaval and still uncertain offer status from my summer employer, I think it was the best internship opportunity for me. It really was a great fit and I felt good about it from the beginning. And in some ways, I feel that if I don't find the right investment management position by the end of the year, it may be a sign that I was meant to do something else with my life. I think in the end I will come out of the GSB with a clearer sense of career purpose and fit then I had going in. And a rotten economy actually helps me focus.

So what now? Well, I really regret not taking 4 courses this quarter so that I could take 4 in the winter and only 2 in the spring. So, given my lack of recruiting activity and open course schedule I think I will try to find a inter-year internship to keep my skills fresh and develop some useful references. I'm going to try to work through my unread pile of books and magazines and articles, get some exercise, make friends with the first years, play with my entrepreneurial ambitions, have a baby, make friends with the alumni base ... and maybe try to find a job.

Over and Out.

On Networking

Happy Mother's Day! Watched Persepolis tonight. Loved it. I am a big fan of animated films (Spirited Away, The Triplets of Belleville) and this one is particularly interesting and lovely. Think I'll buy my mom one of her novels for Mother's Day.

I ran into a very interesting blog called Repairing the Healthcare System a while ago and emailed the author (doctor whose son, interestingly, is the founder of Mobius Venture Capital) this past week who was kind enough to email me back. The disaster that is our healthcare system is of huge interest to me (after the disaster that is our energy consumption) though I know far less about it than I do about energy (of which I don't know all that much either). But the inefficiencies kill me and seem fixing them seems so possible, it's very frustrating that it isn't already fixed. The lack of transparency is ridiculous. No one would purchase a good or service without any hint of what the price would be and then wait weeks or months to receive the bill. It's hard to reconcile this absurd system with the fantastic efficiencies we enjoy in so many parts of every day life here in the U.S. My list of complaints is endless but I'll spare you the tirade. I have been toying with a business idea of a sort of Angie's List for healthcare but since I'm not seriously interested in entrepreneurship (I prefer to just give entrepreneurs money and let them do all the hard work) the idea's not really gone anywhere.

The point of all my rambling is that it was so fun to exchange emails with someone who was passionate and informed about this subject and to think that if I ever became serious about my business plan that he might have some insights for me. I've been puzzled by how much some of my fellow GSBers seem to hate "networking", particularly last fall when we were in the throes of recruiting. Now, while the NTP of my Myers-Briggs is up for debate, the I is definitely not. I am an introvert through and through but I love exchanging ideas with thoughtful people. I love networking.

It strikes me that the folks who hate "networking" aren't taking a very sophisticated view of the process. Networking should not be a canned, miserable experience. Networking should be a sincere exchange of ideas. So whether you're finding a job, or a business partner, or a lender, or a mate ... here are some thoughts based especially on the recruiting season but that could be applied to other situations.

1. Ask questions, good questions, and listen: Perhaps one of the most useful things gained from a lifetime of NPR is the art of the "interview". As we all know, there is such a thing as a dumb question, so do your research (if applicable, for example, before emailing someone) and try to put yourself in the other person's shoes. Empathy is the best connector but it's impossible to empathize with someone if you don't have a basic sense of what they are about. And how are you going to know what they are about without asking some questions? And if you're going to ask a question, then you should listen to the answer. Really listen.
2. Suspend judgement: I've lived in 8 states and countless cities and made friends with folk from all walks of life and, while I'm still learning to avoid judging the book by it's cover myself, I've learned that pre-qualifying those worthy of conversation based on physical attributes or credentials or accent rules out a number of very interesting folks. But if the conversation is clearly not going anywhere, move on.
3. Be sincere: Recruiters, admissions officers, employers ... they're people too. Don't ask questions that you're not interested in hearing an answer to. Don't spew needless flattery. Don't talk too much about your accomplishments. Don't appear to be reading from some internal script. Don't expect/force a particular outcome. Just relax and let the conversation flow where it may.
4. It's ok to be direct ... but mostly be sincere: There are differing opinions one whether one should cold-call or cold-email, whether to follow-up with handwritten or emailed thank yous, when to proffer a business card, whether to state flat out that you're looking for work or just mention the desire for an "informational interview" (ha, yeah right), etcetera. In reality, these are all viable options. I prefer prefer email to phone cold-contact, never send hand-written thank yous anymore and don't care to beat around the bush if if my informational interview request is really job prospecting. But ultimately, while guidance and wisdom is nice, in the end, if you are sincere (see #3) and reasoned in your approach, you will attract the people who prefer your style and repel the people who don't get you and may not be the best person for you to network with anyway. I prefer fast, direct, to the point communication myself, but there are individuals (and even entire industries) for which this style is inappropriate and, more importantly, it makes no sense to act in a manner that makes you uncomfortable.
5. Enjoy yourself: Relationships are what make life worth living and make the individual greater than the sum of her own efforts. There's no right way to "network" - create interactions that feel meaningful for you and leave you feeling enthusiastic about the future. Disregard the others.

But, more importantly, be kind to your mother!! ;) G'night.

The Pros and Cons Revisited

(Again, disclaimer, severely underslept. Baby Y thought last night was a good time to finish sleeping around 3 a.m., 2 hours after I fell into bed after a long night of studying for the 8:30 a.m. Time Series mid-term.)

So I do take requests. (Women in biz post coming soon ... ;) And I've actually been thinking of revisiting the pros/cons of the MBA (oh, the eternal question, no?) post so now is as good a time as any.

Working off the original list:

Reasons not to MBA:

1. I'm still a cheapskate - each monthly tuition bill stings in a big way
2. I still hate debt - no solution to this if you are not one of the full-ride/merit types or flush with cash
3. I still hate being graded and evaluated - but non-grade disclosure makes it less painful
4. I no longer hate paying to be graded and evaluated - neutral on this one now, see above
5. Baby Y puts a real crimp on my ability to exploit my MBA earnings - that's just the way it goes. But I can live with it.
6. MBA still feels like a 4-letter word - I just tell people that I'm in graduate school and leave it at that
7. I still prefer work work to homework - but my flexible schedule is pretty nice and the homework is easier than undergrad
8. I still like making money more than paying tuition - but the post MBA salary should make up for it
9. I'm still unconvinced that I need to attend an academic program to learn what I need for my work - honestly, while the GSB is above its peers on academics, I was hired based on my pre-MBA knowledge and could probably function just fine in my summer internship on my work experience and CFA alone. I am learning things but not as much as a career changer would.
10. I would still like to return to the Pacific NW ... someday - but I don't regret leaving and am feeling in less of a hurry to return as time passes
11. I no longer have doubts about the ROI - I would have earned a perfectly good salary w/o an MBA but I now have far, far more options about when/where/how/why/what in the way of career. The intangible rewards are huge and make it all worthwhile for me. (The post-MBA earnings should be pretty good too.) However .... this is not true for all career paths/people ... do your own calculations.

Reasons to MBA

1. I need to be around ambitious peers or I will die of boredom - I love my fellow GSBers! (Not all of them mind you, but enough of them.) Such a cliche but they really are the best thing about the experience, even for a stay at home nerd like me, ha. There is so much to do/join/lead/create/explore/discuss. No room for boredom.
2. Could not have advanced satisfactorily in my career without the MBA - If my summer internship is any indication I'm coming away from the GSB with my dream job. And if I hate it - there are other opportunities to be had. Though recruiting was a miserable, humbling experience, employers who would have previously thrown my resume into the recycle bin, now take me seriously. Works for me.
3. I'd rather get it over sooner than later - I am so glad I finally applied already. As mentioned before, no value in waiting to apply.
4. I know what I want to do and can structure the MBA effectively - this is especially important at the GSB where you have so much control over the process but I think I could have applied a year or two earlier than I did and still have been fine. Nonetheless, I doubt I would have come away with the internship I did without the experience I got by waiting to apply.
5. It's nice to leave the Pacific Northwest - as mentioned above
6. I am now able to be the "breadwinner" - which may be a nice option for my family
7. I have my choice of employers - a little less than I expected going in, but still pretty great, as mentioned above
8. Some of these classes are really interesting - the GSB has 2 years worth and more of real classes that involve real thinking and real work. It's not a bullshit degree if done properly.
9. I need more high-quality, hands on experience in analysis - have gotten some of that but more valuable perhaps has been the rounding out I'm receiving in non-finance material (painful as it is).
10. Taking a break from working is pretty great - the student schedule is super hectic but I don't miss the office environment
11. I needed a change! And I got one. A good one.

On Teamwork

On a potentially more cheerful note, let's talk about teamwork which, along with "leadership", is the most over-used term in MBA land ever. I am proof that teamophobes can survive an MBA, at least at the GSB. Unfortunately, all the reasons that I hated working in teams (namely free-riding) in my past life, persist even when surrounded by alleged overachieving, organized types. Fortunately, the GSB allows you to pick your own teams and, in some courses, minimize it's role in homework completion. I especially like the professors which encourage us to discuss the case in groups but submit most write-ups individually (Marketing) or givefree-riders the boot (Managing the Workplace).

First, a definition. By teamwork, I don't mean general communication skills and friendliness - responding to emails promptly, taking the time to explain your ideas in person, etc. I mean sitting down in a room and not coming out until all participants agree on the final product, or collaborating on a project on which everyone must contribute equally and as peers.

Teams, when done well, are fantastic. You share ideas and brilliant insights, enhance your learning, make friends and share the burden of homework. Or, at least, you each have an equal opportunity to free-ride on the others' work. Teams, when done poorly, are a inescapable time-suck, creating enmity where once there was only amiability, and burdening you with regularly completing homeworks on behalf of perfectly competent classmates (who tend to be busy securing ibanking internships at Goldman ... ahem). I find that I have one group of each type each quarter. And despite my best attempts to ferret out the free-riders, the problem is inescapable ... and a great source of annoyance.

I try to be mindful about communicating expectations and delineating responsibilities and generally upholding my end of the bargain but my good teams this year were good simply because my fellow teammates helped make it work. So, unless you are capable of changing your classmates' core personalities, beyond picking the right group members in the first place (so important but so hard to to!), I don't think there's much a poor MBA student can do to salvage a wayward group. So while it seems MBA heresy to say so, as bad groups seem unavoidable, I prefer to avoid groups altogether. I am more a fan of the, let's share ideas and chat amongst ourselves but in the end you eat your own work scheme. Which, happily, seems doable in IM.

On the GSB Myths

I sort of like the GSB myths because they keep the "wrong types" (I'll leave that to your imagination;) of people from coming to the GSB. But I've been very surprised by the number of admitted students who I've spoken to lately who don't seem to understand that these stereotypes have fairly limited truth.

• It's all about finance: The GSB has 13 concentrations, only 2 of which are in finance, because many a GSB student has no interest in concentrating in finance, or even taking a finance course. You can get through your 2 years at the GSB without ever taking finance in fact. And the non-finance courses are excellent ... if you're into that sort of thing.
• Econ, Econ, Econ. It's all about Economics: Microeconomics is a required course (typical in MBA curriculums, no?) but courses for which micro is a prerequisite are not explicitly Econ focused. Students don't sit around graphing utility functions in strategy or HR courses. (Personally, I find it annoying that they won't let undergrad Econ majors test out of the Econ requirement since the class was just a waste of time and money for folks with a strong Econ background. (Sorry, it's true, micro is micro is micro.) I could have substituted a PhD level course, but if I wanted to do a PhD course in Econ ... I wouldn't be in bschool now, would I?)
• The students are (fill in the blank: unfriendly, arrogant, nerdy, etc): Look, if you're concerned about the social life or community or friendliness factor, come visit. (And if you've visited/been admitted already without figuring this out, you're on your own.) No one can tell you how a community will feel for you. For me, MIT and the GSB had the friendliest student bodies of anywhere I visited. But obviously, that's not true for everyone. And frankly, I'm partial to "nerds" myself. To me, the GSB is for adults, smart adults. The school is best for those not afraid to think or to disagree or to take control of their academic futures, but there's a lot of variation around that generalization. You can find folks who fit your worst GSB stereotype and folks who don't.
• Every cliche contains some truth and some exaggeration: No place is utopia, but some imperfections are more palatable than others. All in all, I feel that the students are down-to-earth and non-presumptuous, and pretty darn bright. I like that but there are other metrics that may be important to you that the GSB doesn't fulfill.
  

Any other myths that I'm overlooking?

The Joy of Saying No (or the Joy of Following)

I've hit the wall. I needed a longer spring break. I thought that once I made it through recruiting I would feel relaxed and have lots o' free time (ha) but instead I started the quarter exhausted and the challenging course load I've heaped upon myself is not helping. I'm revisiting my priorities and trying to pare down my responsibilities.

I wanted to be more involved in DSAC this quarter but it's too much. So my DSAC contribution will just have to be this blog. I have two leadership responsibilities - one fairly major and one moderate - and I really just want a break from everything. Instead of excitement at the stream of outings and events coming through my inbox, I just feel annoyance. Spent the weekend back on the west coast and returned with this feeling of dread, wishing that I wasn't in school right now and that I could just take the summer off, which is a shame. I want to enjoy this experience - not dread it. So I've resolved (again) to say "no" every chance I get.

This is probably wise for any MBAer but definitely for future MBA parents: take all the breaks and vacations that you can! Be very sparing what you sign up for! It seems obvious but I continue to forget that my responsibilities outside of school are far different from most of my classmates. While a late night co-chair dinner is fun for some, for me it just represents more time away from Y and Baby Y and less precious homework time. While student parents don't want to be excluded due to impressions of what they do and don't have time for, we really are different and there is definitely a limit to what one human being can do. And everything takes longer/is harder than it seemed at first glance. Most of us like to run things and have a say in our school experience but I have to learn the joy of following or risk running myself into the ground.

That was a pretty poorly written post but ... I'm really tired!! :) [more interesting, better written posts upcoming ...]

If you want an MBA - Don't Wait!

I was reflecting today that one of my regrets regarding the MBA (now that the spectre of joblessness has passed) is that I didn't apply sooner. Now in reality, given my career progression, my husband's job status, and my desire to have a baby before starting my degree, I really couldn't have started any sooner. But - to those of you who are ready for your degree - don't delay applying!

• Options are Valuable: For years, I refused to apply because I was certain that no reputable program would admit me. I was unwilling to take on the cost of applying given that I was sure how it would turn out in the end. To those of you with similar sentiments - at least give the admissions committee the chance to write you off, don't beat them to the punch. You never know how it will turn out. Yes, the sudden increase in applications make it a more challenging game, but if you feel the MBA is right for you, better to start trying sooner than later. Options are valuable when you can get them.
• Diminishing Returns on Work Experience: I don't feel I benefited much from the last few years I worked - they did not leave me all that better prepared to succeed during the program or beyond. So unless you expect to get a lot more out of your job in the next year or two - it's probably time for the degree.
• Tuition is Just Increasing: a minor point, but these 3%-5% annual increases start to add up ...
• Be Ready to Reapply: Very excellent candidates are dinged each year. Starting early and really doing your research as to where you are the best fit is invaluable. Each year that you delay your application, increases the cost of reapplication.

I wished that someone had encouraged me to think seriously about the MBA sooner ... so now I'm that someone for you. Apply now already!

(upcoming: MBA myths dismissed...no, the MBA is not just for the pedigreed Ivy League ibankers ... it's for you too ... no offense to pedigreed Ivy League bankers ;)

Recruiting Recap

So in the end I'm not going to be in Chicago for the summer (or setting myself up to go back to Seattle post graduation) but, although not with a VC fund, I did get an energy related position with a group of some of the nicest/most intelligent people I had the pleasure of meeting through the recruiting process (not long-only). Here's some of what I learned in the process about the joys of IM recruiting.

1. Suspend disbelief: the recruiting season brought many surprises both good and bad for many (as I imagine it does every year), carry your expectations lightly going into the process and be prepared for the worst. Hopefully you will be pleasantly surprised. Despite the second-years' best warnings, I was not sufficiently prepared mentally/emotionally for how awful it was. When I got invited to interview for nearly every firm I applied with, I thought it would be a snap - well I was soo wrong. It's a hugely arbitrary and baffling process. Beware.
2. Take closed lists with a grain of salt: my final offer came from a firm that didn't even close list me. Not unusual. 'Nuff said.
3. No two IM searches are the same: talk to all the second years that you can but know that every IM internship quest is a unique beast.
4. Be prepared for an off-campus search: in IM the off-campus job search is a healthy and vital part of the process. Don't overlook it and don't assume it will be harder than an on-campus search. In many ways it's nicer (as I have had second years tell me).
5. Don't be afraid to be picky: part of my panic was that very few of the on-campus firms were very interesting to me, so when the few I was interested in didn't seem to be working out, I started to really worry. But if you can handle an off-campus search, then you should feel at leisure to pick the right firm, even if being picky in the face of rejection seems an impossibility.
6. Be prepared: you don't get to be picky if you are a fool. Yes, GSB students are generally impressive but a few make a real disaster out of recruiting by failing to prepare sufficiently. Don't be like that. Keep the good name of the GSB intact for the rest of us. Keep your humility hat on, do your research and know what you're getting into.
7. What they really mean when they say the IM search is more extended than banking/consulting: is that you will have absolutely no time most (if not all) of winter quarter to focus on your classes and you will be utterly exhausted and depressed for weeks after your banking/consulting/marketing/corporate finance/general management/basically-everyone-but-PE/VC classmates happily move beyond the internship search. Plus, your job search may well extend into spring quarter - especially if you are focusing on hedge funds. Professors at the GSB don't care if you have 20 interviews the week of your mid-term (generally speaking) - so don't expect that "excuse" to get you very far. For an IM search, the 15-20 or so interviews that I did in total (1st and 2nd rounds included) is on the light side but would be an impossibly high number for some other industries. Yes, 20 interviews two weeks is as miserable as it sounds.
8. Being a career changer in IM is hard: but not impossible, don't talk yourself out of success. (But, for your own good, make sure you've done your best to figure out if you really want to be in this line of work and, in case you convince no one that you do, that you have a back up plan.)
9. Interview success comes from an unpredictable mix of personality and technical skills: it is highly unlikely that you will get an IM job through sheer force of personality alone. You are not hired on the basis of your conversational abilities but, of course, a pleasant demeanor never hurts, and, surprisingly, the interviews may not be all that technical. Having experience/CFA may cause interviewers to hold you to a higher standard or to happily ignore quizzing you on technical stuff at all. Since you can't know in advance how it will go - you have to be prepared to impress on both fronts.
10. If you don't get what you want don't despair: cliche as it might sound, career services' "it's a marathon, not a sprint" truisim is so ... true. It's just a summer internship. Buck up. (Yeah, easier said than done, especially from someone who got what they wanted.) But I finally felt this way by the end. I know of first-years who waltzed off to "dream" summer internships and came back chastened the following fall. And disappointed first-years who ended up with a great position in the second-year. You're a great school, learning great things, meeting great people - it's going to turn out ok in the end. You'll probably forget this while recruiting anyway but it never hurts to say it again.

Sort of a lazy recap - but those are my thought so far. Funny how the recruiting process already feels like a lifetime ago.

Recipe for an IM Internship

Serves 1
Time: ~ 29 years

First, secure admission to one MBA program. Attainment of CFA designation helpful but not required.

Second, review your resume with at least 8 people in order to get the maximum contradictory advice, ultimately disregarding most of it.

Third, attend at least:

• 20 firm networking events, representing at least
• 31 hours of non-homework time
• countless career service events, lunch and learns, career coach/advisor sessions

Fourth, prepare a stock pitch by holing up in your apartment for 4 weeks over winter break. Ideally you would have done this prior to the fall quarter so that you could pitch to the IMG before break but do not be deterred if you end up pitching the day before your interviews begin, or not at all, and if most of your stock prep occurs the week before your interviews begin. (Various stock pitch games offered by Fidelity and Morgan Stanley helpful but not required.)

Fifth, write at least 14 cover letters. (If you are wise/unlucky, you may write close to 40.) Email and wait.

Sixth, attend wInterview - for maximum stress and minimum sleep, volunteer to be a mock interview demonstration victim. Follow with at least 4 mock interviews which will alternatively give you a false sense confidence/false sense of panic. Do not be distracted by feelings of complete unemployability. Do not panic when your stocks shoot past your price targets (most likely, in an "interesting" market, they will fall to new lows in a few days anyway.)

(Do not forget to continue reading the news. Attending class and doing homework is highly recommended.)

Seventh, bid generously and wisely and remember that making the closed lists means very little. Be ready to schedule 10+ first-round interviews per week for a couple weeks at least.

Eighth, retain dignity and sense of hope even first-round after first-round ends with a ding.

Ninth, feel free to decline second rounds with any firm that left you feeling completely unimpressed with post-interview even if your classmates think this is insanity and you find yourself one ding away from an off-campus search.

Tenth, feel free to accept an offer from your first choice firm on the spot. Be decisive. Bring an end to the madness.

(Results likely to vary by student.)

Mock Interviews

Are painful but good. Do not forgo them, o future GSBers. I hate pretending to interview but having done 2 today I can already see the improvement.

Have been struggling with insomnia lately - got only a couple hours of sleep last night so I'm off to bed now. But today was wInterview which I thought was a really really remarkable experience. I came away from the day exhausted but rejuvenated about my job hunting mission and how much I love the GSB. There was a session on bidding for on campus recruiting, a mock interview demo (yours truly having the pleasure to be a demonstrator), a recruiting panel of 2nd years (invaluable), and one on one mock interviews with 2nd years. For lunch, a 2005 graduate spoke who was so outstanding and turns all the stereotypes about the nerdy, socially incompetent GSBer completely on their head. He reminded us that interviews are just conversations, among other bits of wisdom. Sounds simple - but so easy to forget. I hope the class of 2010 has the pleasure of hearing him speak next year.

So now things really heat up. The first round of interview invitations went up on PBS tonight. Happily I got invited to interview with a firm that is one of my top picks. Most IM closed lists won't be finalized for a few weeks but this position is with a bank (on the asset management side) and banks like to move early and quickly. But this means at least I have one shot at a job. Last night, feverishly reworking my stock model, I felt like a complete failure. I felt there was no way I could ever get a position in IM and couldn't remember why I wanted to put myself through all this. The preparation process just felt hard and frustrating and demoralizing. And I felt completely inadequate. But today, sleep deprivation aside, I feel much better about things. I just have to hang on to that feeling.

But I do feel that enthusiasm and sincerity are key going through this process. I only applied to firms that I was really excited about and hopefully that will carry through in the interview. My mock interviews today renewed my self confidence that I could actually pitch a stock convincingly and field tricky macro questions with some aplomb even if I hadn't the faintest clue. I have lots lots lots to work on still but at least I know where I stand. And it's such a relief.

So the moral of the post is to embrace the mock interview and all the prep and just enjoy yourself. Don't let the stress of recruiting overshadow the excitement of the opportunity.

Good night.

First Quarter in Review

Ok, so a bit belated. Really I should not be blogging but it's such a wonderful way to procrastinate. I wish I could just fast forward this winter quarter. I thought I would post a little in the way of unsolicited advice about how to use your first quarter at the GSB / lessons learned. (Remember all of this is from an IM recruiting perspective which does not apply to all career paths.)

• Use your summer wisely: Yes, I know that it's a great chance to quit your job and travel and do exciting things but the first quarter is a blur and if you're going to layer baby duty on top of it, the more you can do to prepare yourself for the job search the better. But that's just the worrywart, perfectionist in me speaking. I'm sure you can completely slack this whole experience and still turn out ok. (And I also would not recommend arriving in Chicago the weekend before LOE - give yourself a little more breathing room if possible.)
• Check out firms even if you think you're not interested and take good notes: I'm glad that I took the time to attend events for firms that I wasn't that interested in, even though I didn't attend them all. In hindsight I might have even gone to few more (easy to say now though). I'm also glad I took pretty detailed notes - they turned out to be very helpful when doing cover letters in terms of customization. I wish I had gotten more business cards and been even more detailed with the note taking.
• Utilize career resources: The career resources center here is amazing, don't forget to use their services and understand all that is available to you. I was surprised how lightly attended their weekly sessions in the fall were. If you keep up with the programming, it really helps you stay on track.
• The grading system is baffling: I got my best grade in a class that I did literally no work for and my worst grade in a class I worked my arse off for and do know the material. Huh? Who knows. Be forewarned. (Best class goes to Seru for Corporate Finance 35200.)
• Don't be afraid to join more student groups than seem necessary: The more information the better. You never know which way your interests will evolve. By hesitating on joining the IM group, I missed out on some important initial opportunities. Just write the check already.
• Bidding for classes is baffling but it seems to work out: They're changing the bidding system, hopefully for the better. I was so worried when I failed to get a schedule in the first round of bidding. But it turned out ok.

Ok. That's what I can remember of it. On to the next quarter.