Shabbat Shalom

Brain is absolutely fried from GMAT study. Ugh. I hate the GMAT - I truly believe that it really gets way too much attention from applicants and that it's really not the critical item on my application but it's so hard not to waste a lot of time on it. And if you get a really bad score, you do sort of look foolish. My other problem is that I'm taking the test so close to the deadline that I'll have no time to retake if something freakish does happen, so that makes the experience a little more stressful. So that makes me want to study all the more because I've really only got one shot to look reasonably intelligent on this thing. Really, I sort of like taking tests (good thing since I've been taking so many over the past 3 years!) and I enjoy the challenge but I just want it to be over. I'm trying to decide whether to take it December 22nd or 29th. Should I take the extra week or just get the damn thing over and force myself to focus on the other, more important, aspects of my application? I can't decide.

I have lined up my recommenders and have this fear that they will go ahead and do their job perfectly while I bomb the GMAT and my essays and either submit a subpar application or have to pull out last minute and look like a complete flake. It's just foolish to be doing this all at once. Have to look at it as a fun challenge. But last night I lay awake for hours stressing about it all. I have decided to definitely apply just to Chicago GSB which takes some stress off. Is this as unusual as it seems?

The thing increasing my stress level actually is that I may be employed sooner than I like and left with much less free time for study and essay writing. I have a phone interview in about an hour. Obviously, I can always decline an offer but an excellent paycheck is hard to give up. Especially for tightwads like me with a baby and an uncertain employment future on the way. If I really was unemployed until January 10th it would be no problem. I just don't know whether it's overkill to stay unemployed just for this one app or overkill to go back to work and try to finish it all. Fun. Anyway, my GMAT goal is far more modest than the oft-cited 750 and I actually feel fairly confident about my still unwritten essays. I've written many, many essays in my life and have a strong outline so far. So maybe it's not so crazy. It's just that my husband's patience with my never ending lack of free time is wearing thin and I feel bad to ask for yes, another two months of solid work time. No, really I will have free time after that ... yeah right. After that, I need to focus back on all the house projects left undone. Bah.

Time for a shower.