Monday, December 04, 2006

I hate the GMAT

Not very original. But I am so tired of the GMAT. I would much rather be writing my essays. Less than 3 weeks until I take this thing. Boy. My husband is starting to lose patience with my single minded bschool focus. I'm not far behind him.

Received some good and much needed feedback on my essays as well as the suggestion to consider expanding my search. I just don't feel like I have the time and energy but my consultant said doing 2 schools at this point isn't crazy ... even though I'm still doing the GMAT. Funny thing is that I actually just dont' want to ask my recommenders for more since with the holidays and work stuff they're pretty swamped. And, as I've said over and over again, I'm pretty set on Chicago. Wharton would be great too, despite the less than thrilling visit, so that's where I'm leaning. I don't know. I've talked to Y about this and we agreed I'd just apply to Chicago. I hate to bring it up again.

Anyhow, I'm having a bad pregnancy day too. Bad couple of days actually in terms of eating and super nausea. And unless I consume massive amounts of liquid without pause all day, I develop pounding headaches. Not helping my studies. I start my new job tomorrow which is good and bad. I don't know where I'm going to get the energy for my bschool process after a day of work. And I'm so out of shape, I really wanted time to exercise.

Whine, whine, whine. Sorry. All weekend I just felt so stressed out about my essays. I got my feedback on Friday and just couldn't get my mind to let it all go, even while sleeping. I was dreaming about my applications and then the minute I would wake up I would start thinking about it. It was nice to be in PNA but my life feels so out of sorts and up in the air. I feel completely adrift. I don't know where home is right now. I don't know where I want to live. I can't imagine working a real job at this point. I think - do I really want to manage money? But what else would I do? I really don't think that I would enjoy other things but managing money just sounds overwhelming and stressful at the moment. And so competitive. The bschool app process makes me very tired of competitive mode.

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