Sunday, January 28, 2007

Just another Sunday

I'm not writing much until I know more about my bschool status. I'm assuming that if I do get an interview invitation, it will be pretty close to the end because I didn't submit my application early. If it works that way. (Later note: have reason to believe it doesn't actually.) Waiting is painful, but that's not really new news. I haven't really wanted to put my blog out there until I found out good news. Blog of a ding - that feels too embarrassing, but I guess it's good to share failure as much as success.

My entire identity is becoming that of a pregnant woman. Now that I am showing so obviously that is the conversation starter with strangers and friends, of course, want to hear all the latest. So I am trying to think of other things as much as possible. I thought that once I finished with the application process I would become consumed with study and preparation for the birth but that hasn't been the case. I don't want to think about it at all. I was reflecting on this last night and realized that perhaps it's because this is such a completely physical event, unlike the CFA tests or GMAT or school, which are all mental and for which I prepared diligently. Whether I prepare or not, it's going to happen, and likely without major problem. And no matter how much I prepare, a major problem could arise. I think I like the idea of being able to do something for once where a successful outcome is not dependent on study and having spent what seems like an entire lifetime studying and preparing, I just want to sit back and go for a ride on this one.

Plus, I'm not really worried and I don't really feel like I need to prepare that much. I know myself and my body well. I trust my midwife. And birth is enormous and painful but very doable and very mundane. I just assume that when it happens my body will know what to do. Perhaps I will be more inspired to prepare closer to the event but I just don't really want to right now. So I'm not.

So much hinges on the GSB though. If they accept me, in all likelihood I will try to sell my house and relocate to Chicago within months of giving birth. If they don't, I face a year of me and a baby in PNZ and the question of what to do with myself for that time. So maybe that's part of why my mind hasn't turned fully toward baby preparations, I'm still in MBA limbo. I would like, at least, an interview. If I don't get that then I know I'm really subpar. Oh well. Someone has to be subpar, why not me ;)

I'm still taking ballet even as I grow bigger. I cooked a meal every day but Friday this week, when we had leftovers. Y and I have decided to stop watching so many movies so we could focus more on each other. I'm dreading taxes. I'm working on the local CFA Forecasting Dinner. I'm trying to keep up a relationship with my Little Sister, now long distance. I'm looking around for some good adult Jewish study courses to pick up.

Oh, I visited the much talked about Seattle Public Library last weekend, done by Rem Koolhaas. Good god. It's awful. What a shame. All that money and time wasted. I was expecting to like it but it's hard to navigate, uncomfortable and just feels cheap and poorly designed, ironically. I am all for modern landmarks, there are a number of smaller branch libraries that are very modern that are very lovely, so it can be done, but this is trash. That's my random thought on the world.

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