Follow Your Passion ... really ...

I have heard the phrase "follow your passion" too many times since arriving at the GSB. So it was refreshing to hear a recent GSB grad (currently working at a hedge fund but who seemed like an especially likable and low-key guy) admit to me at a recent networking event, that really the reason we all work so hard is for the money. I am deathly afraid of not making money. I'm not thrilled about it but it's the truth. Growing up poor gave me the confidence to know that I could survive on little but the resolution that I never wanted to have to. And I find it a bit insincere to pretend like this is not a major consideration for us MBA folk. Yes, money doesn't make you happy, but no money can certainly make you unhappy. Let's at least be honest about ourselves.

I think most of us get this and most of us, lucky enough to have choices, strive to find a happy balance. But in practice it feels so hard to know where that balance lies. And when to make major changes and when to stick with small incremental changes.

But I am really struggling (again) with the question of whether I want to do IM in any fashion. I attended two very good student group conferences last week: the investment management/hedge fund conference and the entrepreneurship/venture capital conference. The first was really great but the second reminded me (unfortunately) that what I really want to do in life (if money were no object) would be to start and run my own venture of some shape or form. I like investment management because I don't have to commit to any one industry or business plan and I get to learn about businesses in all shapes and forms. IM allows you to live vicariously through other entrepreneurs. But I'm not sure that I can be happy with vicarious living in the long-run. Or that I can really ever be happy working for someone else.

I have always had a reason/excuse why it wasn't the right time to start my own business: I was too young, the economy was in the dumps, I had more to learn, I couldn't figure out my ideal business plan, etc, etc. But right now the idea of putting together a stock pitch fills me with dread, while putting together a business plan sounds really really fun ... and maybe this is my clue that I may be on the wrong path. Maybe I'm done preparing and just need to jump.

It's so scary to think about emerging with a ridiculously expensive MBA with no big salary, a baby and a husband who wants to dump his career in commercial art and return to his fine art roots. But am I really going for IM because for money and the security or because it's my true passion in life? As corny as it sounds, what is my passion? I don't know if it's covering aerospace stocks, or high yield, or finding good short ideas. But I also don't entirely know if it's doing a start-up and dealing with all the uncertainty and mundane headaches of business ownership.

I love investment management for many reasons but maybe not enough reasons. And yet, maybe getting some post MBA experience at a large firm, putting together some savings to cushion my family from the unknown, is good enough. I have put so much into preparing for this career, to walk away from it right now is especially scary. Maybe I will find that portfolio management, rather than just analysis is really fantastically fulfilling. Maybe I will find the lean, results oriented world of a hedge fund to be a great fit.

So I'm trying to keep straddling both worlds still. Trying to pull together stock pitches, interview for internships during the year with buy-side firms, prepare for winter recruiting, with an eye towards doing the New Venture Challenge next spring. Oh boy. This will be fun!