Wednesday, October 15, 2008

Just don't ask me how I'm doing ;)

[Note on 10/16/08: I woke this morning having decided to delete this post but was so intrigued by the 4 comments greeting me that I decided to leave it for the moment. I've always been curious what the folks who don't like my posts/blog think. So thanks, anonymous, for sharing!]

Maybe I should take a posting break - I feel like a broken record. But hashing all this stuff out online (oddly) helps me think. Midway through my undergraduate experience I hit a very low point. A very very very low point. And so I left. I didn't plan to finish. But eventually I did. And I find myself continually battling in myself between sticking out things that are making me miserable and knowing when to try something else. My first job out of college was making me physically ill at some point. I had stopped sleeping more than about two hours each night and not even sleeping pills could help. I felt that I was losing my mind. And so I left in one of the worst job markets in the Pacific Northwest in recent history. And realized that losing my mind might have been better than indefinite unemployment. Etc.

So the part of me that is just completely ready to say to hell with the suits and corporate conversations and the resume drops and the dings and coffee chats and stock pitches worries that the part of me that has worked all these years to get a job in money management will have some serious regrets if I walk away now. I don't know what the best answer is. I know I have a terrible habit of closing off my options when I get frustrated. And I'm worried I may be on the verge of that at the moment.

And part of me says, I'm not sure how I got into this MBA thing to begin with. These are not my people. My people aren't afraid to say to hell with this. Or to try to grow carrots and goats in the mountains. Or tinker with motherboards in the garage. Or wander around the world when the mood strikes. My people don't live for their resume and their GMAT score and the next big deal. My people don't bankrupt companies for the benefit of their own pockets and set financial crises in motion or live in front of a Bloomberg screen or think penning meaningless mission statements is a day's work done well. What have I become?

I just can't bear to think about finding a job anymore. I know I'm not alone on this one. We're moving into the 2nd year of non-stop job hunting and preparation and I imagine more than a few second years are starting to really grow weary.

So, please, don't ask us how we're doing! And I'll try not to talk about it any more. Deal?


Ozzie said...

You are one of the most incredible bloggers I have seen. On any subject. I find your introspection fascinating, and I look forward to each post avidly.

How about writing aside from your day job to maintain sanity? A book about the MBA experience a la "Ahead of the Curve"?

Whatever you do, don't stop blogging. Your site is a treasure among MBA related material

forrest gump said...

i loved the para "what have i become ?" - i guess because at many levels, i feel just like you do. wish you the best with everything!

Anonymous said...

Yeah...its etting a bit monotonous.
Seriously, half the time you just crib and then you seek publicity with this whole MBA Mom thing.

Dude..give it a rest. you sound like a teen. All the people giving you good comments either seem from the GSB or your cronies.

Ronjon said...

Hello... found your site through Clear Admit's page. It's good to be honest, and it's commendable to be so raw in such an open forum. Mad props.

You have to figure this stuff out, right? And better now than ten years from now, after you've killed yourself to work in GS and your kids forgot what your name is. Be true to yourself and take as much time as you need. Best of luck in whatever you decide... plenty of successful and happy people never got MBAs.

But no, losing your mind is not better than indefinite unemployment. You've been absorbed by these MBA guys if you truly believe that... :)


The.Grey.One said...

Thanks MBA mom for regularly posting your thoughts...
You posts are really a welcome change from others. While others just stick to harping about how BEST their school is, and how MBA is the best thing ever to have happened in their life, you bring in the required perspective of reality.
I admire your courage and interest to let the prospective students know what really to expect. Now we will be well prepared for our MBA, and one will not be mistakenly thinking about it as a 2 year vacation from work. We would now be prepared to slog it out, and hence only those who possess the required determination to do so would bother applying and getting an MBA.
I wish you luck in what ever you do...I know you are amazing and would have a great career...whatever that is in

Just figure out what you wanna do in life...may be you are too motivated at the moment that you want to only pursue a career in money management. Just step out and think dispassionately about whether that is what you really want to do...whether you would be happy doing it even 10 years from now (consider your family situation too). If the answer is still yes, then you should continue focusing all your energy on getting that elusive career offer. If the answer is on the contrary, then you are free to pursue other career opportuinities, though which were not your first choice, but will keep you sane and make you feel happy in your personal life too.

Whatever your career choice is...we will be be happy for you and wish you all the luck...

Keep least for our sake

[P.S: I've submitted my GSB app for R1. Now waiting for the interview decision]

HappyBunny said...

Hi girl, sorry you are down. However, I know you are going to become full of energy and give everything your best shot very soon. I don't think you pursuing MBA to make a quick buck. I believe that you had the passion for investing, you had the goal of making an impact. Maybe grow carrots, tinker with motherboards in garage made difference in some people's life. I believe many MBAs are making history, I know you are one of them. You will bring integrity,truth, and respect into the business world, and that's exactly what we need.


The.Grey.One said...

Yup. I'm still alive and kicking (but not too hard), trying to keep a low profile :)

Hope to meet You (atleast this time) and Baby Y, when i come over to interview with GSB (hopefully).

Wish me luck. I know we both need tons of that stuff now :)

All the Best !!!

- Murali

Anonymous said...

Man I totally feel you. I went through one year of business school and I am completely having second thoughts about my whole career path. I am not the corporate suit type at all. I do not care to recite the Wall Street Journal like its some type of holy scripture. I guess business is not the thing for a punk rock fella. Should have gone into teaching or something.

joufwer said...

Gen Y gets an MBA and confronts its first real recession. Believe me, it gets more raw, dirty and ambiguous from here on out.

Good luck with that

MaybeMBA said...

anonymous #2 - don't give up! there is lots for a 'punk rock fella' to do with an MBA, it just won't parading through campus on the recruiting train.

And just for clarification, I am technically Gen X and 2002 was a real recession as far as my pocket book/career was concerned ;)

Anonymous said...

Dear Blogger
Good Comments doesn't belong to your acumen but to the apathy of majory of people out there on this world.
So better get going.............