Just don't ask me how I'm doing ;)

[Note on 10/16/08: I woke this morning having decided to delete this post but was so intrigued by the 4 comments greeting me that I decided to leave it for the moment. I've always been curious what the folks who don't like my posts/blog think. So thanks, anonymous, for sharing!]

Maybe I should take a posting break - I feel like a broken record. But hashing all this stuff out online (oddly) helps me think. Midway through my undergraduate experience I hit a very low point. A very very very low point. And so I left. I didn't plan to finish. But eventually I did. And I find myself continually battling in myself between sticking out things that are making me miserable and knowing when to try something else. My first job out of college was making me physically ill at some point. I had stopped sleeping more than about two hours each night and not even sleeping pills could help. I felt that I was losing my mind. And so I left in one of the worst job markets in the Pacific Northwest in recent history. And realized that losing my mind might have been better than indefinite unemployment. Etc.

So the part of me that is just completely ready to say to hell with the suits and corporate conversations and the resume drops and the dings and coffee chats and stock pitches worries that the part of me that has worked all these years to get a job in money management will have some serious regrets if I walk away now. I don't know what the best answer is. I know I have a terrible habit of closing off my options when I get frustrated. And I'm worried I may be on the verge of that at the moment.

And part of me says, I'm not sure how I got into this MBA thing to begin with. These are not my people. My people aren't afraid to say to hell with this. Or to try to grow carrots and goats in the mountains. Or tinker with motherboards in the garage. Or wander around the world when the mood strikes. My people don't live for their resume and their GMAT score and the next big deal. My people don't bankrupt companies for the benefit of their own pockets and set financial crises in motion or live in front of a Bloomberg screen or think penning meaningless mission statements is a day's work done well. What have I become?

I just can't bear to think about finding a job anymore. I know I'm not alone on this one. We're moving into the 2nd year of non-stop job hunting and preparation and I imagine more than a few second years are starting to really grow weary.

So, please, don't ask us how we're doing! And I'll try not to talk about it any more. Deal?