On Greenspan

From today's WSJ:

Mr. Greenspan was asked when he knew there was a housing bubble and when he told the public about it. He answered that he never anticipated home prices could fall so much. "I did not forecast a significant decline because we had never had a significant decline in prices," he said.

What kind of reasoning is that?? Now I am in "shocked disbelief".

If the best experts were not able to foresee the development, "I think we have to ask ourselves, 'Why is that?'" Mr. Greenspan said. "And the answer is that we're not smart enough as people. We just cannot see events that far in advance."

He continued, "There are always a lot of people raising issues, and half the time they're wrong. The question is what do you do?"

Well, he does have a point. But given that fact, we shouldn't be building a fortune on a penny and leveraging our future safety on the expectation of everlasting stability and good luck. Given our inability to predict the future I would prefer the Fed and Co. plan for the worst, not the best.

Taleb and Mandelbrot on the Credit Crunch

Ok, so maybe I'm not the most pessimistic person out there. My husband found this interesting NewsHour interview with Taleb and Mandelbrot which I highly recommend for anyone seeking a good dose of realism.

My favorite quote:

Taleb: Never in the history of the world have we faced so much complexity combined with so much incompetence and understanding of its properties ... I think that we may be experiencing something that is vastly worse than we think it is.

...

BENOIT MANDELBROT: Everything is a possibility ... Everything is imaginable. What's the joke, that prediction is very easy when you predict the past or something.

As I sat in an interview in Monday giving my predictions about the future state of the world, I felt rather silly. I know as money managers we're not allowed to be uncertain - but what I'm really thinking is 'I have absolutely no bloody idea what will happen and neither do you'. None of us do. Ever. Which is partly why I think I might like to get out of the prediction industry and into the doing something industry.

And I found this Reuters article (just one of many on the topic) absolutely galling. I don't have a stitch of pity for all the homeowners who overbought and overspent over the past 4 years. They all deserve bankruptcy but unfortunately they may take us all down with them.

Odds and Ends: Lahde Bids Farewell, Grant Vindicates my Eeyore Doctrine, and Noonan Talks Sense

Three small pieces I've enjoyed over the weekend. Odds are this is old news for you but I wanted to share:

Hedge fund manager Andrew Lahde's goodbye letter to investors. I totally hear the "what I've learned about the hedge fund business is that I hate it"! in reference to this 10/4/08 WSJ article. (prelude to my pending 'how I feel about investment management' post)

James Grant articulates the unfortunate role of over confidence (aka unchecked optimism) in our current predicament far better than I can. Chew on this fact - since 1983, debt has risen by 8.9% per year in the U.S. compared to 5.9% annual GDP growth over the period. Or, in other words, total debt rose $45.1 trillion while income rose by $10.9 trillion. I find that mind blowing. I can't believe we've survived this long.

And lastly, though I normally steer clear of the WSJ op-eds, I was pleased to see Noonan talk sense about Palin. Palin is the female version of Bush. Enough with the plain-talkin', bull-headed, anti-intellectualism already.

Oh yeah, and on the GSB front, the career office has come out with a very sobering update on recruiting season this fall which just confirms what many of us already knew. It is not looking pretty.

On Optimism (or embracing your inner Eeyore)

Though on the grand scale (such as the future of humanity), I am an unrepentant optimist. On a more personal level, I believe that some friends said it best when, in response to the burning 'which Winnie the Pooh character are you' question (many, many years ago), I was declared Eeyore. There are many potential explanations for my reflexive gloom (nature, nurture, socio-economic life experiences?), but it is certainly true that I feel my best when my outlook is of the worst. (Perhaps related to the physical discomfort I experience when living places with far too many sunny days.)

But let's examine this question pragmatically. How is the world these days? On the grand scale things are looking pretty good. Warfare, major plagues, witch hunts (in the literal sense), child mortality, crusades, human sacrifice, So2 emissions are all down. Literacy, dental care, 5 hour trans-Atlantic flights, use of clever political satire, indoor plumbing are up. That's good. On a more immediate scale, things are more dodgy. We seem to have gotten ourselves into a baffling economic quagmire that will not be solved quickly. And while some are falling faster now, methinks we will all get our "due" in the end. (In other words, "Main Street" meet "Wall Street".)

I see a distinct difference between the attitudes of my IM recruiting friends and the attitudes of the others. (I don't really know any aspiring ibankers.) The non-IMers seem relatively at ease, most of them have offers and the biggest question they seem to be grappling with is whether or not to take it. Many of the IMers saw our funds unraveling at the seams over the summer and find ourselves competing for an ever dwindling number of listings. And trust me, no fund manager not actively recruiting for new hires right now, has any interest in hiring at the moment. But it's not just that. This summer, guys who have spent a lifetime in the industry kept telling me - this is the worst I've ever seen, this is a complete disaster, go get yourself into a PhD program, these markets are unbelievable, these markets are rigged. And that was before the indices dropped some 20% in the month of September/October. (I've lost track of the score at this point.) And my conversations with such folk continue to be very dour. To convey otherwise at this point would be disingenuous.

As Taleb's tales of his childhood in Lebanon remind us, the world can go to hell in a moment, and expecting a rebound (we were happy then, we can be happy again soon) can be sheer foolishness. While I appreciate one thoughtful first year's comments that American-style optimism can have a healing/inspiring effect, lots of optimism is based on naive extrapolation of a recent past which may never be seen again. And true hardship is a very faint memory for many Americans. A good dose of pessimism might be more productive sometimes.

Similarly, think of how we ambitious, aspiring folks move ourselves towards the end goal, we seek out stories of success and see our own potential mirrored in the achievements of others. This is optimism and generally its good for us. This works reasonably well in up markets (labor, equity, real estate, etc.) but can be a practical and emotional challenge in lesser times.

The following statement from Cliff Asness sums up my feelings on luck and fortune (and, by extension, the place of optimism):

I will pause for a moment to stress the importance of luck in one's life path, which is often downplayed in autobiographical work. This isn't particularly useful advice (go get lucky!), and I do not mean it fatalistically, as hard work and courage really can put you in the right place to get lucky, but especially for an empiricist, to deny the role of fortune in terms of their highly path-dependent nature of life is just excessively egotistical.

So until I fully dismiss the role of luck in life (for the better or worse), I can never whole-heartedly embrace unbridled optimism. And I can't help but feel that with a few more Eeyores in the finance industry we would never have gotten into this mess in the first place.

[Next up - how I feel about Investment Management.]

Just don't ask me how I'm doing ;)

[Note on 10/16/08: I woke this morning having decided to delete this post but was so intrigued by the 4 comments greeting me that I decided to leave it for the moment. I've always been curious what the folks who don't like my posts/blog think. So thanks, anonymous, for sharing!]

Maybe I should take a posting break - I feel like a broken record. But hashing all this stuff out online (oddly) helps me think. Midway through my undergraduate experience I hit a very low point. A very very very low point. And so I left. I didn't plan to finish. But eventually I did. And I find myself continually battling in myself between sticking out things that are making me miserable and knowing when to try something else. My first job out of college was making me physically ill at some point. I had stopped sleeping more than about two hours each night and not even sleeping pills could help. I felt that I was losing my mind. And so I left in one of the worst job markets in the Pacific Northwest in recent history. And realized that losing my mind might have been better than indefinite unemployment. Etc.

So the part of me that is just completely ready to say to hell with the suits and corporate conversations and the resume drops and the dings and coffee chats and stock pitches worries that the part of me that has worked all these years to get a job in money management will have some serious regrets if I walk away now. I don't know what the best answer is. I know I have a terrible habit of closing off my options when I get frustrated. And I'm worried I may be on the verge of that at the moment.

And part of me says, I'm not sure how I got into this MBA thing to begin with. These are not my people. My people aren't afraid to say to hell with this. Or to try to grow carrots and goats in the mountains. Or tinker with motherboards in the garage. Or wander around the world when the mood strikes. My people don't live for their resume and their GMAT score and the next big deal. My people don't bankrupt companies for the benefit of their own pockets and set financial crises in motion or live in front of a Bloomberg screen or think penning meaningless mission statements is a day's work done well. What have I become?

I just can't bear to think about finding a job anymore. I know I'm not alone on this one. We're moving into the 2nd year of non-stop job hunting and preparation and I imagine more than a few second years are starting to really grow weary.

So, please, don't ask us how we're doing! And I'll try not to talk about it any more. Deal?

Why I like Hyde Park

Given some of my negative comments, you might wonder why I can stand to live in Hyde Park at all. Despite some of the unfortunate crimes 'round these parts, Hyde Park has a cozy, little town feel. I love it that biking to school. I love that I can walk everywhere. I love all the big, old trees and houses. I love being close to the university with students and faculty from around the world and free museums and lectures by the world's most renowned thinkers. I love all the playgrounds and parks where Baby Y gets to hang out with babies from Hungary and China and Mexico. I love that the south side ladies chastise me when they think Baby Y might not be dressed warmly enough or when they feel I have failed in other parenting measures. I love my little local Hyde Park Produce which lacks such necessities as canned corn but sports a mean selection of hummus and cheese and Italian cookies and one of the more eclectic clienteles ever to be found picking out the best head of lettuce and cashiers who coo over Baby Y and give him cookies. I love eating gelato at Istria and walking along the little beaches on the lake. I love taking free ballet classes at the university or paying for classes at the sweet little local ballet studio with some of the world's friendliest teachers. (Ballet teachers used to come in two flavors - mean and sadistic. I don't miss that.)

So, despite my complaints, life is not so bad here. It will be a decent place to live for two years and I don't regret it at all. Assuming I make it out safely! ;)

Hyde Park These Days - More Depressing Thoughts

Taking a brief break from obsessing over my job/career/personal woes, I can't stop obsessing about the recent attack on a young woman in the lobby of her apartment building one block down from our apartment. To follow a woman into the lobby of an apartment building with a 24 hour guard and security cameras, drag her past the doors of her neighbors and into some conveniently unlocked and empty garbage room is terrifyingly bold. Even worse is that the guard apparently saw them together but thought nothing of it. (?????) And a neighbor heard a scream but, hearing nothing thereafter, thought nothing of it. And how did this guy know where to drag her? It's bad enough that he was bold enough to attempt this but that he got away with it is even harder to believe.

The whole thing gives me the creeps and I can't stop thinking about it. She was my little sister's age. So many ways that this could have turned out with a better ending. I keep envisioning alternative scenarios where she beats the crap out of this guy. Or pulls out a small handgun and shoots the punk in the head. Or the security guard or neighbor decides to see what's going on (as a reasonable person might have). Nothing depresses me more than the dark reality of male testosterone gone awry and citizens bent on minding their own business. She too easily could have been me.

And just 5 days before that a medical employee was seriously injured in an attempted robbery at 54th and Ellis. Not to mention all the robberies that seem to go on in broad daylight around here. (My mom reads the crime reports diligently and gives me the run down.) And the never ending stream of news headlines about another Chicago Public School student shot or stabbed to death, including the breathtakingly sad and random murder this month of a 17 year old on a bus (at Woodlawn and 71st). And, of course, the tragic killing of Amadou Cisse last year.

I know the attack on the young woman last week is one anecdote that must be put into perspective, but it does seem that Chicago is suffering from some unfortunately high rates of crime. Our crime rate in Hyde Park seems to echo that of Chicago on the whole. And Chicago's hypersegregation doesn't seem to help.* This CBS article says that more people were shot in Chicago last summer than U.S. soldiers killed in Iraq. Murder on the whole appears to be up. This 2003 article says that not since 1967 has Chicago managed to pass a year with less than 600 murders. Rape statistics are much dodgier - according to Wikipedia there were none in Chicago for 2006 - so it's easier to focus on violent crime.

I know that Hyde Park is relatively sheltered and I am for the most part going about my daily life as usual. But the recent events have just added to my feeling of general gloom. Just thought I'd share the good cheer.

*When I listened to the This American Life radio version of the story on Chicago's Wiener Circle I found it startling but when I saw the tv version I found it nauseating. The final scene is some nasty stuff. And the recent antics of McCain supporters simply echoes this uncomfortable truth about race in this country. Living in Hyde Park/Chicago has made me think about race much more than I ever did while living in Portland/Seattle. I'm familiar with white vs. Mexican/Native American tensions. Black vs. white issues seem much darker, sadder and more hopeless.

And let recruiting season begin (or, the economy is in the crapper and you just spent $100k on a fancy MBA, now what?)

So last night was the first round of invitation interviews. As mentioned previously, pickings are slim, firms continue to cancel interviews and I am allowing myself to be picky. In sum - on campus recruiting is virtually done for me before it even started.

There are 4 firms coming to campus that I am applying to and as of last night, two (massive, well-known, long-only types) have decided not to invite me to interview. As both close listed me last year this can only mean that they were put off by my summer hedge fund dalliance, my interviews last winter were worse than I thought (laugh) or that my fellow 2nd years are very new and improved after a summer.

But rather than being disappointed I felt a tremendous sense of relief. I have all the points in the world to bid on these firms but I don't really want to. I don't have a good long stock pitch. I don't find the idea of working at a massive, well-known, long-only fund all that appealing and I didn't really enjoy my interviews with them last year. I applied because I felt that I should be doing something.

I find it continually surprising how frequently I find myself ignoring my intuition in this MBA experience. Applying for firms I don't want to work for, trying to attend the wrong social events, taking too many finance and accounting courses which aren't really broadening my knowledge base.

Does it matter if I find a job right now? No. It would be nice to be done with the process but I didn't come to the GSB to find a job. I came the GSB to transform my career and life trajectory. And I'm not going to do that by trudging down everyone else's well worn path. I have until next summer to find a position and I'm sure I will. And I much prefer doing things my own way anyway. On campus recruiting gives me hives.

It strikes me that despite all the corporate blather about "out of the box" thinking that few understand the reality of living beyond the well worn path. True contrariness (much talked about in investment land) is somewhat uncomfortable and lonely and at times a really bad idea. And while I think I'm still trying to figure out where this so-called box is (i.e. I do consider myself somewhat of a contrarian), separating out which career choices/decisions are reasonable and which are foolish is much easier said than done.

But I also came into the quarter feeling that it would turn out as it was meant to be. Meaning, the job search process, especially in IM, is like an intricate mating ritual and individuals who find successful long-term relationships seem to be those with the patience to take their time and wait for the right partner rather than jumping into the arms of the first willing suitor who comes along. Despite all the upheaval and still uncertain offer status from my summer employer, I think it was the best internship opportunity for me. It really was a great fit and I felt good about it from the beginning. And in some ways, I feel that if I don't find the right investment management position by the end of the year, it may be a sign that I was meant to do something else with my life. I think in the end I will come out of the GSB with a clearer sense of career purpose and fit then I had going in. And a rotten economy actually helps me focus.

So what now? Well, I really regret not taking 4 courses this quarter so that I could take 4 in the winter and only 2 in the spring. So, given my lack of recruiting activity and open course schedule I think I will try to find a inter-year internship to keep my skills fresh and develop some useful references. I'm going to try to work through my unread pile of books and magazines and articles, get some exercise, make friends with the first years, play with my entrepreneurial ambitions, have a baby, make friends with the alumni base ... and maybe try to find a job.

Over and Out.

First week of classes

Now back to our regular programming ...

So I am taking 3 classes and, for the first time at the GSB, I really like all of my professors. Financial Instruments is with Nosal who is a sort of part-time (adjunct?) faculty who moonlights at the Fed in Chicago. So his teaching is a little less fluid than the old pros but he has a good sense of humor, knows his stuff and is just and all around pleasant fellow. Abbie Smith is lively, (tall!) and definitely knows her stuff (of course). And Weiss is great too. In a rare moment of sanity I dropped Fama's course (too much work for no new news), decided against a last minute add of Building the New Venture and managed to hold steadfast until bidding was done and over and I was stuck with a very humane fall schedule.

Ideally, I would take 4 classes this fall, 4 in the winter and then just have 2 for the spring when I will be busy trying to be super-mom but, given the current job climate (very, very bad), I decided to try to do lots of stock pitch preparation this fall. And in case I do get lucky enough to have some second rounds and such, I will need some slack in the schedule. But given the fact that I am hardly applying for any of the almost non-existent on-campus jobs, I do not expect the fall quarter to be fruitful on the job front. Unfortunately. Looks like I will be doing very pregnant or post-pregnant interviews which should give me some interesting stories to tell.

On the job front. Things are bad. Really bad. And honestly I think we are just at the beginning. Today I was moping around wishing I had never matriculated. And with Y unable to make money in Chicago - we are feeling very stressed in the MaybeMBA household. None of our options are pretty (poverty in Chicago vs. long distance marriage with toddler and wee one on the way). Plus I think I face a very serious possibility that I will be unable to secure a position in investment management. Primarily because so few people are hiring. And if that is true then coming to Chicago will have been a very big waste of time. And money. So perhaps this explains my curmudgeonly posts. I've been sort of wishing that the GSB had just dinged me. I know, likely foolish and premature statements ... well, hopefully so.

Corporate Bullsh**

Ok, apparently I am just Ms. Curmudgeon these days. Especially on the MBA front. I have a few practical, non-venting (mostly) posts rattling about in my head but in the course of preparing my homework for tomorrow I visited a certain well known corporation's website and happened to look at their mission. Can anyone guess what company this is based on its mission statement alone?

• To Refresh the World...in body, mind, and spirit.
• To Inspire Moments of Optimism...through our brands and our actions.
• To Create Value and Make a Difference...everywhere we engage.

Granted, most companies' mission statements are overdone but since when did the world's largest producer of sugar water aspire to refresh my spirit? Inspire moments of optimism?? And how more generic can one get than "making a difference". (Boring) Have business leaders lost all sense of reality and reason? This is what makes me hate the business world and MBAs in particular. I don't get mission statements in the first place but at the very least shouldn't they be moderately related to one's actual business activity? What is the point of this schlock?

Just another reminder that a plan B career in general management is probably not my best bet.

"You just have to work harder"

I want to give a first week class update but tonight I thought I'd just related to following gem.

So today I was chatting with a non-finance/accounting professor about my on-again/off-again entrepreneurial ambitions and, in response to her advice that the MBA was a time to explore not to become narrowly focused, I explained that I abandoned the entrepreneurial route because the investment management recruitment takes an inordinate amount of time in terms of preparing an adequate stock pitch and going through multiple interviews. I could not do that and the entrepreneurial thing successfully simultaneously, I said. To which she said, "Yes, you can. You just have to work harder."

Man, why didn't I think of that before! All those opportunities I've squandered with my half-baked work ethic. If only I had known.

I think that easily takes the prize as the worst advice I have ever received. Luckily, she had a few other redeeming points to make in the conversation. But I tell you, being told that I "just needed to work harder" raised my blood pressure more than reading WSJ headlines or listening to Palin interviews. (Btw, go Kathleen Parker.) I was appalled. Who says that?

The Mommy M.B.A.: Schools Try to Attract More Women

I was intrigued to see this article, which includes a quote from Stacey Kole, mentioned in the regular round up of articles mentioning the GSB that the school sends out. Frankly, I am pretty disgruntled at this point on the Motherhood and the MBA front. I can't seem to make a whit of improvement at the GSB. NAWMBA and Forte have not been interested in my outreach either. Frankly, I'm of the mind (and I don't believe I'm alone) that all this talk about getting more women in MBA programs is hot air. And articles titled "Mommy MBA" (how patronizing can we get??) piss me off. I'm not getting a fucking mommy mba thank you very much. Man, women just have no self respect.

But more on that later! (Back to organizing my life.)

Happy New Year!

Snarkily yours,

Let the madness begin

What a week. The onslaught of obligations and commitments this week was a shock to the system. The nausea and fatigue just gets worse. Wednesday I could barely move off the couch - which is not my usual style! To say the least. I think I'm actually finishing up my first trimester this coming week. So perhaps relief is in sight. I need to find a doctor! But instead I'm enjoying (ha!) Fama's Foundations of Finance. Against my better sense I have enrolled in 35901. I will probably drop the course but wanted to at least attend the first class. But, man! this first class reading assignment is boring.

Y's employment options are very bad right now which is incredibly stressful when we spend a private school tuition on childcare for Y these days. Allegedly one of these days I won't have to worry about money - seems hard to imagine as worrying about money has defined the last 25 years of my existence.

Ok, that's enough whining for now.

On a happier note, seem to be some great first-years in this batch ... and a few of your usual MBA-types, to be expected.

I can't even write straight ... the implications of bivariate normality have robbed me of any surplus brainpower.

Back to school

I envy envy envy women who enjoy pregnancy, the nausea-free ones. At the very least it seems like every pregnant woman should be able to enjoy eating! Sheesh. I can't wait for the second trimester. My friend was telling me that she vomited every day of her pregnancy, multiple times per day, which made severe daily nausea seem like a blessing in comparison.

In other news, full-time recruiting starts up in full force tomorrow. I'm actually looking forward to it. I feel that I am far more prepared to make recruiting work for me this year rather than feeling like a helpless hostage, desperate and afraid, in the process. I also received a few more heartening recruiting emails from the resume book (which I had assumed no worthwhile employers actually looked at) which made me feel slightly better about myself. It will still be a long road but I'm trying to enjoy it.

Classes start Thursday. I will be taking Financial Statement Analysis (30130), Taxes and Business Strategy (30118) and Financial Instruments (35100). This means I will end up with an Accounting concentration. I'm not entirely sure 30130 will be new news but Abbie Smith is a star and I didn't want to miss the course just in case ... Two accounting classes is a bit much in one quarter for my taste but I've heard reasonably good things about 30118 and, frankly, there were few classes I was very excited about taking this quarter anyway. And 35100 should be largely review. Veronesi declined to waive this prereq for me for his 35131 which I want to take this winter.

The World is Ending

This week's Economist cover did a nice job of capturing my feelings at the moment. I had been mentally penning an especially cranky post about the current state of the economy but my zeal has faded. My feelings have moved from outrage and fear and astonishment to amusement. It feels like a soap opera. This is far more intriguing and exciting than a bubble. And I just don't really care anymore. If hedge funds go the way of the dodo birds, then I will just find something else to do with my nerdly self.

My eternal optimism about the underlying vibrancy/resilience of the American people has given way to a deep resentment of the political corruption (fiscal prudence, anyone ... anyone??), the stupidity of the whining masses (your mortgage terms - read and understand ... and skip that 4th home equity loan already) and the complete dismissal of the most important economic relationship: CONSUMPTION = PRODUCTION. You don't produce => You don't consume. And you consume only as much as you produce. End of story.

Instead we have a generation raised on two back to back bubbles and the notion that the best way to wealth is the latest tulip mania. And we have a government who aids and abets the sham by allowing unethical lenders to run amok and diverts precious public funds not to infrastructure and energy efficiency and affordable education and efficient health care but to Halliburton and bridges to nowhere.

Ok. So maybe I'm not just amused.

Yeah, recruiting is not a happy time in MBA land. But we're going to be fine. And we'll probably still make plenty of money. I'm worried for the rest of my family and friends for whom money is not easy and options are not plentiful. I'm angry that it's hard to see demonstrations of what delights me most about this country - success through hard labor, welcome of immigrants, separation of church and state, the appreciation of accomplishment and intellect in our highest leaders, suspicion of a bloated and imperial government, a commitment to living within our means and providing better futures for the new generation.

Sorry. This is a preachy post and obviously, American history is rife with inglorious and foolish moments, arguably much darker than these unfortunate days. But that this was all completely avoidable, pains me most. What good were the hundreds of years of economic history and study if we couldn't avoid the most blatantly obvious bubble? What good are the regulators if they can't enforce the most basic laws of lending? What good are our risk officers if they're expected to be compliant yes-men?

But that is how I feel at the moment. It does feel that the world as I knew it has ended. I guess I can only hope that that's a good thing!

Last days of summer

I am so so so glad to be back in Chicago. Being in my own home after an absence is always a pleasure but it's just great to be back in a real city again. Baby Y and I have been getting lots o mom-son bonding time which he is loving. Me too. Mothering feels so much easier and more fun than it did last summer. Newborns are awfully sweet and amazing but also erratic, confusing and draining.

We are gearing up for a family trip back west which should be nice. Baby Y is a lover of plants and animals so he's going to enjoy romping around in the countryside.

I am actually contemplating responding to a recruiting email I received from Bain. Consulting??? That is how confused I am feeling on the career front. The (semi-)final word from the internship is that they won't know their hiring needs until December which was not surprising. But I am somewhat surprised at how few regrets I have about not having a finalized full-time opportunity with them. I'm not really all that interested in going back anyway. I wonder if I'll every find an employer/opportunity that excites me long-term ... or if I am destined to continue wandering.

On Palin

I prefer to minimize my political ramblings on here but watching the Republican convention last night made me crazy so I was ripe to respond to anonymous's comment on my last post about my thoughts on Palin.

So I'm irritated with the reporters who are using the Palin nomination to revive the tired old working mom debate. Rounding up some convenient "everymom" and asking her to speculate on someone else's working life is not news and it's not journalism. And I am bloody tired of it. So, in direct answer to the question, my irritation lies with the media, not the Obama campaign ... as far as I know. And I'm also irritated with women who engage in this useless, self-absorbed battle.

But, on the political front, I am deeply irritated with the fact that this meaningless conversation about Palin's family life obscures the real issue at hand. That is, there is a woman on the Republican ticket for the first time in history and the best they can do is a someone whose sole relevant experience, aside from a stint as the mayor of a town with a population smaller than the University of Chicago, is 20 months presiding over a state with less than 1 million people that lives on government handouts and oil money? It's insulting. Palin's numerous children are the least of her problems at the moment.

I was relieved to read the Economist hadn't bought into the bullshit and amused to hear what Republicans really think of the nomination when they're not playing cheerleader to the bandwagon of illogic.

Women Work

I was trying to figure out why I was so irked by the discussion on whether Palin is right to take on the vice president candidacy given her family responsibilities. At first glance, most of the arguments make sense. Five kids is a lot of work. Down's syndrome is more work. Pregnant teen daughter deserves privacy. Human beings have only so many hours in the day.

But how many times can I say this ... this is no one's business but Palin's. Why am I scared to do my job search pregnant? Because the moment my belly walks in I am no longer CFA charter holder, GSB Class of 2009, recent intern at $14 billion multi-strat. I am working mom and the interviewer is my judge. And if you think I'm being paranoid, there's a classmate of mine who can tell you some good stories from her pregnant internship search.

Women work. Life does not stop for babies. It didn't stop in the hunter gather days. Or the agrarian days. Or the pioneer days. Or the industrialization days. Or the world war days. Women weren't sitting around monitoring junior's language development and scheduling play dates. Women worked. They tilled fields and built fences and cooked stew and scrubbed sheets and sewed shirts and made candles and riveted airplanes ... Women worked. And we all survived. Working mothers today spend more time with their children than stay at home home moms did in the 1970s.

And women need to stop contributing to this inane conversation. If you're a mom and you like staying at home or you like working part-time and you couldn't imagine working a tough full-time job, your point of view is not newsworthy. It is your point of view and you are welcome to live by it. You are not me. I am not you. And if you are a working mom and you hate your job don't blame it on your kids. Women pull the motherhood card too often when the real reason they quit (or want to quit) a job is because of the job, not the kids. Yeah, working for a pigheaded boss in a dead end job sucks. Yeah, inflexible workplace rules and office politics suck. Baby time is always better than bad jobs. But that doesn't mean working motherhood is impossible. It just means sometimes it isn't worth it.

These conversations, these news articles matter. They determine whether my interviewer decides I don't know what I'm getting into or that I'm smart enough to figure out my own life. Far too rarely do we allow for the latter.

Good News Tuesday

Felt like my tone has been a bit negative lately so I thought I'd think happy thoughts for an evening.

• Despite its hiccups, my summer has been easy and relaxing.
• First trimester nausea, while definitely present, seems to be a bit better than the last go 'round
• After a year of spending more time with my mother since I was a teenager, we are still friends
• Baby Y is a cutie patootie!
• I'm looking forward to 2 weeks off before classes start
• Even though getting there is going to be bloody hard work, I am looking forward to #2
• Allegedly, beyond the current economic doldrums, we are on the cusp of a job boom as the boomers retire

Learning to love the job search

In honor of Labor Day I spent the day gearing up for the big full-time job search. Morning was a flurry of non-finance searches, checking postings on the New York Foundation for the Arts, dreaming of a more beautiful and interesting life than spreadsheets and CNBC, and trying to figure out how much arts administrators make anyway. Afternoon was a return to reality - when you're used to finance industry pay, it's too hard to do anything else, especially given my "no job is utopia" philosophy. And one reason I decided not to pursue a career as an artist in the first place was that I found too many in the field to be obnoxious, faddish and ill-educated.

I'm trying to keep a positive outlook and feel excited about carving my post-MBA path but really I'm pretty anxious. I can't think of a career or employer that I feel unequivocally passionate about. The full-time corporate conversation calendar looks a bit slim. Little comes up in my GSB job listing queries. The economy appears to be crumbling around us. And my belly grows a little larger with each passing day. With 80,000 ibankers prowling the streets of New York and assorted financial capitals in search of a good hedge fund job, who is going to hire the obviously pregnant lady sans pedigreed resume? No one. Time for an investment in some serious foundation undergarments.

Meanwhile, my mom let me know that she will be absolutely devastated if I don't move to Seattle after graduation. Y's mom seconds this. Guilt and angst, the best combination! (My fantasy life is Seattle in the summers, New York fall through spring.)

I cannot wait to get back to the GSB and into the reassuring arms of career services! Let's get this week over with already! There's job hunting to be done.

What I learned this summer

Contrary to previous posts, I am so ready to go back to school!

Technically, I am not quite done with the summer internship but mentally I am. Given current market conditions and recent firm, ummm, "restructurings", a job offer seems incredibly improbable. Which frankly, is fine by me at this point. The summer left me feeling much less enthusiastic than I was going in. I am also dealing with a raging and highly unexpected desire to live in New York and do anything besides investment management. Hmmm. I talk myself into and out of and then back in to continuing on my current trajectory on a daily basis. Given my current fickle state of mind - there's no point dwelling on this point here.

The fund I am with has been in the biz for about 20 years and is currently experiencing unprecedented turmoil and upheaval. Lesson #1: Past results are no prediction of future results. This makes doing due diligence on employers very complicated.

One of the individuals impacted by our "restructurings" was a recent GSB grad. That hit close to home. Lesson #2: A fancy MBA doesn't buy you job security.

Lesson #3: Never move to a small, Midwest city for a job alone where your husband has no job prospects because, in the event that you are "restructured", you will have no further job prospects and, as mentioned previously, your husband will have no job prospects, and you will be fucking miserable, in a small, Midwest city. No thank you.

I can't decide if my lackluster love for investment management is a result of a less than ideal summer or the final proof that I have been pursuing the wrong career for the past 6 years or so. Hmmm. I just want to do something, ya know? But I'm not really suited for anything else. Or so it feels. And what I know of the corporate world is not particularly appealing.

Oh, yeah. And I'm pregnant. Oops. This should make recruiting very interesting.

Over and out.

The Opt Out Myth

Thanks to anonymous for the heads up on yet another MBA mom opt out story. The title made me wince and a few things didn't sit well with me but there is much truth in this article too. Babies change everything. And the one and only difference between men and women is babies. And there is no way around this. It makes for hard choices. But anecdotes are not facts and Harvard MBAs don't represent the average working woman. And most well-educated women don't actually opt out very long.

So I'll have to add this one to the opt out myth list (that will not die):
http://www.cjr.org/essay/the_optout_myth.php
http://www.eurekalert.org/pub_releases/2008-06/asa-oor061008.php
http://blogs.wsj.com/juggle/2008/06/20/women-opting-out-an-overblown-myth-new-study-says/
http://www.csmonitor.com/2006/0330/p09s01-coop.html

I have lots more to say on seemingly insurmountable gender hurdles but find myself unable to stop watching the Democratic convention and not up for penning posts on moderately depressing topics. (I profess to be an independent but I've yet to meet a Republican I'd actually want to vote for.)

On the internship front, the summer just gets rockier and rockier. Definitely interesting times.

I want to do something meaningful with my life - and it seems hard to imagine that picking the best short idea will really ever meet that criteria ... blah blah blah.

Enjoy the article. And the convention.

Picking classes at the GSB. And other griping.

So my big frustration with the GSB is the difficulty in crafting a meaningful course load, especially as someone who skipped the basic accounting, finance and econ courses. We have switched to a new bidding system which is largely an improvement but prohibits full-time students from bidding on classes at Gleacher for the first two bidding rounds which is very frustrating if a class you want/need is only being offered at Gleacher that quarter. Frankly, I think the school just needs to offer more classes. I try to avoid taking classes at Gleacher anyway.

This is the fourth quarter that I have been bid out of Operations. Operations for god's sake. I'm not about to pay 5,000 points for this class. But I need it to graduate (as I am not going to take macro) and am interested in the course. But when I have to pay 5,000-8,000 points for classes key to my concentration, I can't afford to spend that much on Operations. Why don't they just offer more slots? Sheesh.

And Financial Instruments, which is a strict prereq for Veronesi's Risk Management course in the winter (and he refuses to waive for me) is only being offered at Gleacher this quarter. Grrr.

And Managing Decision Making (which I really want, and fulfills a graduation requirement) has only two campus slots. One of which conflicts with the uber popular Financial Statement Analysis with Abbie Smith (which I did get). So since I didn't bid enough for the other section, I'm out of luck there.

In sum, after two rounds of bidding, all I have to show for myself is two accounting classes. Two Accounting Classes. I hate accounting. Bah.

In other news, it was a strange, hard week on the internship front which led to two things:

1) made me seriously question my choice of career. The boring, meaningless of the job was impossible to ignore and the feeling persisted all week.

2) made me realize how much I want to go home (Pacific Northwest). I am tired of the Midwest. Y and I wish we were moving back home this fall. Trouble is there is virtually no good money management opportunities out there. Which brings me back to point #1.

Apparently, I still don't know what I want to do when I grow up. Each time I come to this point (which is quite frequently, actually) I just re-convince myself that I've invested too much into my current path and should just keep going.

So it is.

Internship Update

My summer internship is more than half-way over and overall it's been a pleasant surprise.

• I generally feel good about my work and my teammates. Very friendly. I've received decent feedback about my performance so far but still have trouble shaking the feeling that I am hopelessly incompetent. Just trying to keep a sense of humility! ;)
• The quality of life has turned out to be excellent. I work about 11-12 hours per day and do some work on Sunday, which, by my standards is doable, although for some that would be unacceptable. (I was chatting with a GSBer about her summer and asked how her hours were. Long, she replied, 8:30 to 5 ... I couldn't suppress my look of astonishment ... well, long for me! she retorted. Fair enough.)
• Best of all is the degree of flexibility and autonomy in my work - I am paid to sit around and read the Economist and think about innovations in technology and the political structure of Brazil. Etcetera. Not bad work. Most of all I am paid to have opinions. Strong opinions. Opinions worth betting a few million on. I try not to think about that part.
• On bad days, I remember that equity research can be fantastically boring, flexibility and autonomy be damned. I hate accounting and SEC filings on these days.
• The markets, as you probably are painfully aware, are challenging, to say the least. And investing, never the most obvious activity, is even more strange and baffling. However, I started my career post-tech bubble so I tend to assume the world is always crashing around one's ears. But, according to my bosses, this is one of the worst periods they have ever experienced. Nice.
• The worrisome part is whether this means, in the case of superb summer performance on my part I may still end up without a job offer. Not recommended in general, but especially disappointing as I really love this firm and want to work here full-time. I feel that this firm is not so short-sighted but it seems that they have grown quite rapidly in recent years and given the current business challenges might want to just work with what they've got.

Oh, well. It will all turn out ok. At least it's been a nice summer.

On the baby front, Y and I enjoyed 2 completely baby free nights of unbroken sleep this weekend. Eight hours in one go! Amazing. I thought it would never happen.

The First Year of Motherhood

It's hard not to resort to cliches on this topic. Yes, there are so many hard bits with parenthood but it is a delight like none other. I can't think of any more original way to put it. I am really, really glad that I had Baby Y just prior to attending the GSB and would highly recommend it to all in the position to make the timing work. While it definitely changes the MBA experience and makes it hard to be at the top of your game, the MBA is a place where you can afford to have diverted attention to some extent. And then you don't have to enter the job market terrified about when you'll be able to have kids.

Ok - so what have I learned on the mama front this year? You know I can't resist sharing ...

Breastfeed for a year and you'll lose every inch of "baby weight" and more without lifting a finger. Everyone talks about how good it is for the baby - that's all well and good but even better is what it does for you. Let me tell you, you are not "eating for two" when prego. Zygotes don't need much in the way calories but growing babies need 300-500! I love it.

Jogging strollers are amazing. I wish I had bought one 6 months ago. I get exercise and Baby Y gets to see the sights. I recommend the Ironman - straight up original version. Costs so much you'll feel obliged to use it.

You will excel at nothing in the early years. I feel like I'm just barely keeping up with life most of the time. Just strive for the basics.

Women have babies and careers. Virtually all the women at the fund I'm at this summer have kids. For some reason, pre-baby I felt so terrified about how to make it all work and whether what was possible when and how and where. You just make it work. Pick the right organization and all will fall into place. You are allowed to have a great career and a great life. As you may know, I think this whole working vs. stay at home mom war is bunk. It strikes me that women who are in jobs they hate or aren't all that excited about the money making process anyway tend to want to stay home. And the others don't, and that works just fine.

But it's harder to socialize. I think the hardest thing about having a baby in an MBA program is how hard it is to socialize with other students. I get so tired of social events being held in bars. I wish that there were more family friendly events. It's a similar story at work most of the time. And - given the value of relationships in the whole career saga - this is the biggest price to be paid for parenthood in my mind. I'd love to see the GSB do more family oriented events.

And it gets harder as they get older. When Baby Y was a wee thing, he hardly noticed when I left, now he notices and he is pretty pissed about it. Luckily he's asleep when I leave in the morning this summer. It's sad but he still loves me and he has a wonderful grandma that he gets to hang out with all day. But leaving a sobbing babe is a crappy feeling.

Father love. A friend with a baby similar to Baby Y's age came for a long weekend visit last month with her whole family. She's a stay at home mom and her boyfriend works like a crazy man to make ends meet (hence long hours away from home). While it was obvious that her little one had a great relationship with both of them I was struck by the fact that having one working and one at-home parent meant that my friend understood her baby's rhythms and needs far better than her boyfriend. While this made sense, it was her "job", I was grateful for the fact that Y and I share parenting 50/50 (as best as possible). Not just because it's nice to have someone else change diapers half the time (!) but because I don't have to explain to Y what's going on with his own son.

Family ties. I was nervous that having a child might mean the end of my marriage, but happily, despite more than a few irritable marital moments, it makes us feel closer. Sharing this strange and amazing process together is fantastic. Not to mention how fun it is for the grandparents and aunties and uncles. Babies just make family life more interesting.

Childcare is bloody expensive. We pay $2,000 per month which is more than I've ever spent on anything in my entire life. (Oh, yeah, except for my tuition ...) So it goes ...

Seeing Baby Y at the end of my workday is bliss. I can't wait to have another.

Thoughts on the First Year

My blogging skills are rusty.

Went back to Chicago for the weekend - we did not sublet our apartment for the summer - decided to eat the expense for the sake of sanity. But I think I don't really like Chicago that much. I'm not sure what it is but just 36 hours in the city left me feeling irritable. I am interning in a small Midwest city that I did not expect to like much but compared to Chicago it feels clean and friendly and traffic free and I was happy to come back.

Anyhow ... this is a post I have been meaning to write since the end of the quarter. What was the first year all about, how do I feel about the experience, where to from here?

Wasn't this supposed to be fun?

As I've mentioned, the first year was far less fun than expected. Granted, my situation (baby under one year) and mentality (take the hardest load possible, skip all the intro classes) made it worse but the idea that an MBA is a slacker degree chock full of R&R is somewhat misplaced. You still fight to find a job. Deal with irritating group members. Are subject to arcane and mysterious grading policies. Are spending a fantastically awful sum on tuition. Sit through brilliantly boring lectures. May be beholden to the whims of egotistical, unethical professors. (Thanks again NGD.) Worry about your career and your future. It's not the magic ticket to happiness.

Which brings me to the big lesson of the year.

It doesn't pay to work hard

If you're a nerd from the lower rungs of the socio-economic ladder, you hold most dear the idea that all that stands between you and success is brains and hours of work: attend the hardest schools, take the hardest classes, build up the resume and all will be right with your world.

• Well, I think I landed my current internship primarily because I hit it off with folks.
• Greatest homework hours <> greatest learning this quarter
• More effort on homework <> better grades but = unhappy family, unhappy me

As a couple of second years wisely advised while ferrying my home from the Harper Center at midnight during spring quarter finals - you will never regret not working harder during the MBA.

Which brings me to the bigger lesson of the year

It's all about Reputation and Relationships

Certainly, a reputation for being a hard worker is a desirable thing but that doesn't mean that you have to forsake your happiness and health in the meantime. By simply getting into the GSB you have solidified an important reputational milestone ... and secured an invaluable relationship network. To me, this has become the sole redeeming feature of the MBA. It's not the classes, it's the people. I am currently at a fund with a significant number of employees who are GSB grads which is a big bonding factor. But you can't bond with folks if you are stuck behind your computer screen all day - either as a student or as a worker. Yes, it's important that your class/work mates know you for your integrity and work ethic rather than a habit to show up 45 minutes late for everything and artfully dodge responsibility for your portion of the homework but more important is that they know you. So ... pick a MBA program where you will respect your fellow students and future alumni and then ... enjoy yourself. (Most of you probably don't need such advice, but I could have used the "enjoy yourself" bit a year ago.)

Baby + MBA/career is completely doable

Yeah, it does make it a little harder and make one especially unsympathetic to the complaints of childless classmates about how tough it is to find time to finish homework but, as I've said before, the class work doesn't really matter. What matters is that you get into a great school and that you get the degree and that you come out with a top notch job. And you fellow mamas can do that. There's nothing like a baby to hone the priorities, maximize your efficiency and light the fire in your belly to get the job done and get back home for some cuddle time. The MBA will make your career + baby easier, not harder, and school is a great time to give you more time with the little one.

NEVER LET ANYONE TELL YOU, YOU CAN'T HAVE A GREAT CAREER AND A GREAT FAMILY LIFE BECAUSE THEY ARE FULL OF SH** (not to mention unimaginative and defeatist to boot), more on that later.

But classes aren't totally worthless - they give you the big picture (but get the best profs)

I don't want to leave anyone feeling as though I think nothing of the technical skills and classes in a good MBA program. It's just that, pre-first year, I was overestimating the value of classes and underestimating the less obvious aspects of the program. For folks who have never had any exposure to basic business stuff (accounting, etc.), the basic MBA curriculum is invaluable. For those with more experience in the business world, it's all about taking what interests you and rounding out your skills. If you've played the MBA right you should emerge with a big picture of business which allows you to work faster and smarter - cut to the meat of the matter and have greater confidence in your decisions. And, after just the first year, I am already seeing that quality in my work this summer.

Nevertheless, my second year plan is to have waay more fun and worry less about homework and job stuff.

Ok, it's past my bedtime - just wanted to finally give a belated update.

More on the first year of motherhood and an internship update later ...

Edited 7/28/08: Note, don't let my 'it doesn't pay to work hard' spiel convince you that I'm advocating becoming a beer swilling, powerpoint pushing baboon. I'm all for working hard but I don't know that the MBA is the best place to kill all of one's free time. I'll leave that for when I'm getting a pay check ... upon reflection today I decided I wanted to clarify that.

Oh yeah, and my last piece of advice - don't assume that just because a class costs a lot of points that it's going to be any good ... unfortunately.

I don't want to go back to school

Found myself completely void of any interest in blogging for the last month or so. The last quarter was sort of miserable and left me with a bitter taste about the GSB and MBA land that I didn't want to pass on to readers. And it's just been great to spend more time with Baby Y and the fam and forget about the MBA for a bit. I am loving my internship (now 2 weeks in) and feeling confirmed that I am definitely in the right career path. Frankly, I'd be quite happy to just continue working and wish I was in a one year program. Fellow students think I'm crazy to say such things but working is still more fulfilling and restful than school for me, especially when I'm finally in my dream position, earned after so many years of thankless grunt work and preparation. Classes feel a bit irrelevant but upon reflection, I did get a lot out of the first year, and will likely get plenty out of the second too. Given how stressful last year was I am determined to make the second a much more enjoyable experience. If I'm not going to make any money, I may as well enjoy myself. The number one lesson of the last year was that there is absolutely no point breaking one's back on the MBA.

Anyhow ... I'll try to post little updates once or twice a week. More recaps and ruminations to follow ...

Good luck to all in your MBA (or non-MBA) quests ... keep me posted!

Back to Blogging

Well hello there. Hope your summer is going smoothly.

I've been leaning towards saying adieu to the blogging life but I find myself composing unsolicited advice posts while going about day to day life ... it's a compulsion - advice giving. So I think I'll be back online after the madness ends (tomorrow - hurrah!).

Three down, one more to go!

Not posting lately because ...

1. Been rather ill for going on 2 weeks now. So much for my pride in never getting sick! (And now the whole family too. Poor little Baby Y.)
2. Am exercising the 'if you can't say anything nice, shut your mouth' policy. Feeling a bit irritable with business school world and don't want to record my current feelings in blogoland. Will wait for my health and good cheer to return.

Hope everyone is enjoying their May - seems like autumn is here already. It's freezing!

More later ...

Actually, it's just the same old story

I always feel like I'm underperforming. (Now I just blame it on Baby Y.) But it all seems to turn out in the end.

Here's to suspending disbelief :)

Postpartum blues ... 10 months later?

I haven't been in the mood to post. I haven't been in the mood to do anything. But, remembering that my intent is to deliver a very honest description of my experience, here I am ... to whine a bit.

Mid-terms were hard for me. I am not doing particularly well in any of my classes. Just average and who wants to be average?!

I've been wondering why I feel so awfully blah this quarter and it occurred to me that perhaps I am mourning my pre-baby self. Once upon a time (a mere 10 months ago actually) I think I could have taken this quarter's courseload by storm. Once upon a time, I had every waking hour at my disposal for study or work, the only way I find it possible to succeed. But now I am a fraction of my former self in terms of time and therefore academic achievement and I worry about my summer internship. It's scary and disorienting to do the best that I can and still fall short of expectations. I wonder sometimes what I am giving up by not waiting until the after the MBA to have a baby.

Grades, schmades, you say - but my self-esteem is deeply entwined with my academics and career and my attempts at baby + the usual work load, leaves me feeling short on both counts and in possession of a diminished self-esteem. And as baby is here to stay (bless his little heart), there's not much to do but readjust expectations ... but I'm not readjusting all that well. I just feel like I'm running in place: exhausted, with little to show for the effort.

Goodbye Motivation

Is anyone else suffering from this problem? Can't seem to keep my attention on the screen and away from the sunlight fluttering on the leaves. Thoughts of summer vacation dance in my head. Sigh ...

Buyer's remorse and the MBA

Procrastinating going to bed (if you can believe that) and thanks to my new email notification system (thank you, Samantha) I see the following question: Did you experience buyers remorse at any point before or during your MBA? Which, if you have been reading closely, you'll know is my pet topic, and to which the answer is a resounding YES! So, of course, I have to take a moment to answer this one.

My moments of remorse:

• Summer 2007: going through the joy of selling a home, packing my worldly possessions and moving myself, husband, newborn and mom 2,000 miles across country, I had serious doubts whether the degree warranted the upheaval and stress and expenditures. We survived, but it was hell. (white washed here and here.)
• LOE and Core (our orientation program): I hated LEAD (I was far too diplomatic in my one post on this, LOE was great in some ways but I was very frustrated with the way the school initially handled my situation and hated nearly every moment of LEAD). I had to struggle with the school to convince them that I was not about to leave my 10 week old baby for 3 days to climb ropes and bond with my liquor-laden colleagues. I didn't get along with my squad, wasn't all that keen on my cohort and felt as though I had wandered back to some sort of high school redo. I was so happy when classes started. And overjoyed when LEAD ended.
• Each tuition check over fall quarter: For the first 3 months opening the tuition bill made my blood pressure sky rocket and it was hard to carry on casual conversations with fellow students who I knew were full-ride folks... heck, a half-ride would be great too. The feeling eventually subsided (see final bullet).
• The first 6 ... 7 ... 8 weeks of winter quarter when I was still zilcho on the summer internship: I was convinced I was unemployable and had just wasted $xxx,xxx on an MBA. Definitely the nadir of my experience. (see this and this)
• Then the job offer came through and suddenly all was forgiven ... the move, LOE, occasional dull professors, sporadic frattish behavior of some fellow GSBers, never ending networking events, unwieldy study group members, tuition checks, the lengthy and enormous toll on my family, maybe even LEAD (well ...). Academics are great 'n' all ... but we're here to get a job. And even though it doesn't seem possible in the agony of fall and winter recruiting, we all get jobs. We all get good jobs. Even women with babies get jobs ;) And eventually the fear and anxiety and disappointment and remorse wash away, leaving you to enjoy the good friends and good job prospects you've managed to cultivate in the midst of the insanity.

So, remorse, absolutely! But that's just part of the process - you get through it and then feel grateful you were able to see beyond it.

Honestly yours,
M.

To the commenter re Quant/Stats CFA material

I just happened to be looking at an old CFA post and noticed a comment left in March 2008 asking me about the best way to study for the Quant section of the CFA. It is likely too late for me to answer this (given the pending exam date) but I thought I'd try anyway. Unfortunately, I don't really have any good tips besides using flashcards and just drilling the formulas into your brain. As you know, you have to memorize all the formulas for the exam. They are not given to you in the test. So it's just a matter of brute memorization. Understand what all the variables stand for, how they are related by the formula and how to solve for the unknown. Normally, I like to learn by internalizing the underlying intuition but that's not so easy to do with this material. The happy news is that the Quant section is a relatively minor part of the exam. If you can get the other sections down, I wouldn't worry about the Quant. Plus, you do not have to do brilliantly on every part of the exam to pass - trust me, I know this from experience.

Let me know if I didn't answer the original question ...

(Btw, I love taking your questions but will only see them if you leave them on a new post. So if you posted something awhile back that you never got answered, re-post on a recent entry :)
Good god, I should be in bed!

Edited: 5/11/08 - duh! Thanks, Samantha! I can't believe I didn't look at that option more closely. Comment away on any posts then, I'm all set up to get them by email.

On Networking

Happy Mother's Day! Watched Persepolis tonight. Loved it. I am a big fan of animated films (Spirited Away, The Triplets of Belleville) and this one is particularly interesting and lovely. Think I'll buy my mom one of her novels for Mother's Day.

I ran into a very interesting blog called Repairing the Healthcare System a while ago and emailed the author (doctor whose son, interestingly, is the founder of Mobius Venture Capital) this past week who was kind enough to email me back. The disaster that is our healthcare system is of huge interest to me (after the disaster that is our energy consumption) though I know far less about it than I do about energy (of which I don't know all that much either). But the inefficiencies kill me and seem fixing them seems so possible, it's very frustrating that it isn't already fixed. The lack of transparency is ridiculous. No one would purchase a good or service without any hint of what the price would be and then wait weeks or months to receive the bill. It's hard to reconcile this absurd system with the fantastic efficiencies we enjoy in so many parts of every day life here in the U.S. My list of complaints is endless but I'll spare you the tirade. I have been toying with a business idea of a sort of Angie's List for healthcare but since I'm not seriously interested in entrepreneurship (I prefer to just give entrepreneurs money and let them do all the hard work) the idea's not really gone anywhere.

The point of all my rambling is that it was so fun to exchange emails with someone who was passionate and informed about this subject and to think that if I ever became serious about my business plan that he might have some insights for me. I've been puzzled by how much some of my fellow GSBers seem to hate "networking", particularly last fall when we were in the throes of recruiting. Now, while the NTP of my Myers-Briggs is up for debate, the I is definitely not. I am an introvert through and through but I love exchanging ideas with thoughtful people. I love networking.

It strikes me that the folks who hate "networking" aren't taking a very sophisticated view of the process. Networking should not be a canned, miserable experience. Networking should be a sincere exchange of ideas. So whether you're finding a job, or a business partner, or a lender, or a mate ... here are some thoughts based especially on the recruiting season but that could be applied to other situations.

1. Ask questions, good questions, and listen: Perhaps one of the most useful things gained from a lifetime of NPR is the art of the "interview". As we all know, there is such a thing as a dumb question, so do your research (if applicable, for example, before emailing someone) and try to put yourself in the other person's shoes. Empathy is the best connector but it's impossible to empathize with someone if you don't have a basic sense of what they are about. And how are you going to know what they are about without asking some questions? And if you're going to ask a question, then you should listen to the answer. Really listen.
2. Suspend judgement: I've lived in 8 states and countless cities and made friends with folk from all walks of life and, while I'm still learning to avoid judging the book by it's cover myself, I've learned that pre-qualifying those worthy of conversation based on physical attributes or credentials or accent rules out a number of very interesting folks. But if the conversation is clearly not going anywhere, move on.
3. Be sincere: Recruiters, admissions officers, employers ... they're people too. Don't ask questions that you're not interested in hearing an answer to. Don't spew needless flattery. Don't talk too much about your accomplishments. Don't appear to be reading from some internal script. Don't expect/force a particular outcome. Just relax and let the conversation flow where it may.
4. It's ok to be direct ... but mostly be sincere: There are differing opinions one whether one should cold-call or cold-email, whether to follow-up with handwritten or emailed thank yous, when to proffer a business card, whether to state flat out that you're looking for work or just mention the desire for an "informational interview" (ha, yeah right), etcetera. In reality, these are all viable options. I prefer prefer email to phone cold-contact, never send hand-written thank yous anymore and don't care to beat around the bush if if my informational interview request is really job prospecting. But ultimately, while guidance and wisdom is nice, in the end, if you are sincere (see #3) and reasoned in your approach, you will attract the people who prefer your style and repel the people who don't get you and may not be the best person for you to network with anyway. I prefer fast, direct, to the point communication myself, but there are individuals (and even entire industries) for which this style is inappropriate and, more importantly, it makes no sense to act in a manner that makes you uncomfortable.
5. Enjoy yourself: Relationships are what make life worth living and make the individual greater than the sum of her own efforts. There's no right way to "network" - create interactions that feel meaningful for you and leave you feeling enthusiastic about the future. Disregard the others.

But, more importantly, be kind to your mother!! ;) G'night.

On Gender II

Decided to try to catch up on what was happening in the world outside my academic concerns and spent 40 minutes listening to NPR's series on transgendered children. (Made me think of Ma Vie en Rose.) Even for the more progressive among us, I think transgender is a hard thing to wrap one's mind around. We are just coming to terms with homosexuality, just barely. How to balance your child's personal fulfillment with the looming rejection of society? I can't imagine the deep deep pain of these decisions.

But let's take a step back. Let's forget about the terminology and the counselors and societal norms for a moment. Once upon a time, girls wore dresses and took Home Ec and eschewed sports and swearing. Bit by bit women donned pants and took up basketball and other manly pursuits and, while a few still cling to the classic notion of femininity (as they should be free to do), most of us happily inhabit a world in which women are free to be as "masculine" or "feminine" as they like.

At first glance, the idea of boys wanting to "be girls" as young as toddlers is alarming. Transgendered toddlers? Yikes! Yet how are they different from the "tomboys" of yore? I don't know that they want to be girls they just want to be free to do things that are currently off-limits to boys. The tales of these poor little boys being forced to omit lavender and pink from their drawings or to give their stuffed animals boy names instead of girls names is unsettling. It's just a color. It's just a name. But even I, of the babies can wear any color camp, still cannot bring myself to include pink in Baby Y's wardrobe. So I understand the parents' fear of the ridicule that these behaviors might elicit but what makes me sad is my belief that the real reason these behaviors are so discomforting is that still today masculine = superior and feminine = inferior.

Seriously, why is that women wearing pants is ok, but men wearing dresses makes us so profoundly nervous? If we took all the blue crayons out of little girls' drawing palette and refused to let them near a pair of pants - imagine how strangely uptight that would seem. Although the struggle for suffrage and independence for women in this country was no light task, it was made easier by the fact that aspiring to be like a man was at some level an admirable and understandable desire. Aspiring to be "like a woman", on the other hand, is puzzling. I think we subconsciously associate it with joining the losing team, so to speak. Despite all our progress, we have only come so far. And I find this point far more alarming than "transgendered toddlers".

... now back to our regular proramming...

Midterms

I'm always amazed how the prospect of an exam quickens my attention and learning.

Four mid-terms for me this week. In previous quarters I tended to have mid-terms in only a few of my classes and often not all in the same week. So 4 at once (3 in 2 days) is a little bit of a shock.

Commercializing innovation (the bane of my existence) is a take home. We are feverishly working to put something together but this class is impossible and I have lost all enthusiasm for it.

Competitive Strategy has a case-based in-class exam which will be interesting. Been a long time since I wrote essay questions in a test situation. Also not a class that gives me much joy. (Too much talking! And jargon.)

I struggle with my love for Time Series and Portfolio Management. While both are painful in some respects, I love the succint answers; snippets of code; obvious sense of completion; spare formulas and spreadsheets; amusing terms such as heteroskedasticity and leptokurtic in lieu of confusing terms such as"value chain" and "isolating mechanisms".

On the other hand, I am not sure that mastering Time Series does me or the world a whit of good. With each passing day I am more sure that the quantification of finance sheds little light on the mystery within. It was ironic to sit in the Berkshire Hathaway meeting with Buffett and Munger ridiculing business educations and the mathematical approach, Time Series textbook in lap, straining to keep my phi's and thetas and rho's straight.

The Pros and Cons Revisited

(Again, disclaimer, severely underslept. Baby Y thought last night was a good time to finish sleeping around 3 a.m., 2 hours after I fell into bed after a long night of studying for the 8:30 a.m. Time Series mid-term.)

So I do take requests. (Women in biz post coming soon ... ;) And I've actually been thinking of revisiting the pros/cons of the MBA (oh, the eternal question, no?) post so now is as good a time as any.

Working off the original list:

Reasons not to MBA:

1. I'm still a cheapskate - each monthly tuition bill stings in a big way
2. I still hate debt - no solution to this if you are not one of the full-ride/merit types or flush with cash
3. I still hate being graded and evaluated - but non-grade disclosure makes it less painful
4. I no longer hate paying to be graded and evaluated - neutral on this one now, see above
5. Baby Y puts a real crimp on my ability to exploit my MBA earnings - that's just the way it goes. But I can live with it.
6. MBA still feels like a 4-letter word - I just tell people that I'm in graduate school and leave it at that
7. I still prefer work work to homework - but my flexible schedule is pretty nice and the homework is easier than undergrad
8. I still like making money more than paying tuition - but the post MBA salary should make up for it
9. I'm still unconvinced that I need to attend an academic program to learn what I need for my work - honestly, while the GSB is above its peers on academics, I was hired based on my pre-MBA knowledge and could probably function just fine in my summer internship on my work experience and CFA alone. I am learning things but not as much as a career changer would.
10. I would still like to return to the Pacific NW ... someday - but I don't regret leaving and am feeling in less of a hurry to return as time passes
11. I no longer have doubts about the ROI - I would have earned a perfectly good salary w/o an MBA but I now have far, far more options about when/where/how/why/what in the way of career. The intangible rewards are huge and make it all worthwhile for me. (The post-MBA earnings should be pretty good too.) However .... this is not true for all career paths/people ... do your own calculations.

Reasons to MBA

1. I need to be around ambitious peers or I will die of boredom - I love my fellow GSBers! (Not all of them mind you, but enough of them.) Such a cliche but they really are the best thing about the experience, even for a stay at home nerd like me, ha. There is so much to do/join/lead/create/explore/discuss. No room for boredom.
2. Could not have advanced satisfactorily in my career without the MBA - If my summer internship is any indication I'm coming away from the GSB with my dream job. And if I hate it - there are other opportunities to be had. Though recruiting was a miserable, humbling experience, employers who would have previously thrown my resume into the recycle bin, now take me seriously. Works for me.
3. I'd rather get it over sooner than later - I am so glad I finally applied already. As mentioned before, no value in waiting to apply.
4. I know what I want to do and can structure the MBA effectively - this is especially important at the GSB where you have so much control over the process but I think I could have applied a year or two earlier than I did and still have been fine. Nonetheless, I doubt I would have come away with the internship I did without the experience I got by waiting to apply.
5. It's nice to leave the Pacific Northwest - as mentioned above
6. I am now able to be the "breadwinner" - which may be a nice option for my family
7. I have my choice of employers - a little less than I expected going in, but still pretty great, as mentioned above
8. Some of these classes are really interesting - the GSB has 2 years worth and more of real classes that involve real thinking and real work. It's not a bullshit degree if done properly.
9. I need more high-quality, hands on experience in analysis - have gotten some of that but more valuable perhaps has been the rounding out I'm receiving in non-finance material (painful as it is).
10. Taking a break from working is pretty great - the student schedule is super hectic but I don't miss the office environment
11. I needed a change! And I got one. A good one.

The Buffett Trip

As some of you may know, students at the GSB make an annual pilgrimage down to Omaha to meet Mr. Buffett. Unfortunately, this year we had to make do with attending the shareholder meeting. The story goes that Mr. B wanted to give other schools a chance at a meeting (he is, as you might imagine, in fairly high demand) and the GSB had gotten an audience with him for 6 years running. I'm not sure if that's the real scoop but hopefully we will get an in person event next year because, while I hate to be a grinch, the shareholder meeting was not worth the trek. None of us were particularly thrilled with waking at 4 a.m. to watch Mr. B on a big screen and listen to mostly silly questions for 6 hours. (Plus, Saturday is family day for me but I got home at 11 pm - missing any opportunity to see Baby Y at all, and today I'm back at the grind to prepare for mid-terms. Where'd my weekend go!) If you are at all familiar with Mr. B's opinions on investing and life, I don't see how a shareholder meeting or even lunch itself can be all that enlightening. And, while I do admire Buffett generally (and certainly not singularly), the slavish devotion of his fans is a bit creepy. I've never been one for human worship. Watching the audience was perhaps as interesting as watching Buffett.